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Issue官方主题范文
Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."
6
Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together. Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology. The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.
The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous. They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet...
Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital? Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.
As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result. A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other. We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.
While I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.
COMMENTARY
This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language. The essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history. The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and life" is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.
5
I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."" Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".
If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true. The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people. This is especially true in recent times due to the extremely rapid expansion of the Internet. E-mail and tele-conferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.
However, I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals. Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people. Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contacts across the country. This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.
Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms. These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work. Automobiles have made possible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two. Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, unless the individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit. The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public. Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time". This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.
The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices. However, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing. Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet. These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than the price of the current top of the line PC. In addition, to cater to a larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds". This trend is not likely to cease.
In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion. The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.
COMMENTARY
This strong response analyzes the complexities of the issue. In disagreeing with the prompt, the writer makes a distinction between two types of loneliness -- loneliness caused by "the absence of??? physical contact" and loneliness brought about by a lack of "intellectual contact" with others. The essay reasons that while "the automobile and other transportation mechanisms" originally kept passengers physically and intellectually isolated from one another, modern technology, such as the cellular telephone and laptop computer, has made intellectual contact "faster and easier" and has benefited users by allowing them to communicate with "a larger number of people."
The response provides clear and relevant examples of the ways in which technological developments facilitate and encourage intellectual communication. The writer examines the impact of user-friendly Internet access on the individual's ability to interact with others even when physical distance separates the communicating parties.
The organization is clear, yet transitions between paragraphs are not always smooth. The body of the essay lacks the focus that would help move it to a score of 6. It is not always clear how the information given relates to the essay's initial position (e.g., the discussion of current prices for personal computers in paragraph five). The conclusion, while clearly relevant, attempts to impose order on the somewhat loosely connected paragraphs, yet fails to add substance to the analysis.
On the whole, the essay displays clarity and control, but the language is sometimes imprecise and less tightly controlled than it would be in a 6 essay. The following sentence is one such example: "The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices."
4
Looking at the above statement, I see a lot of truth to the statement . There are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves. It may or may not be a conscious move, but the results are all the same. The isolation occurs in a variety of ways and in all different areas. By computerizing factories, there are more and more people working long hours by themselves, with there only companion as a computer monitor. Although the company may be getting better production, the question that needs to be ask is at what cost to their employees.#p#分页标题#e#
It is not only the management of big factories that are responsible for this isolation. This loneliness can be seen in many other settings. With the growing popularity of the television, the nation is seeing a decline in families talking and an increase in watching the television. Not only can this result in a generation of "coach potatoes", it is also causes less communication and a feeling of isolation from everyone that a person cares about.
So far technology has entered the work place and the home, it has also entered the social relm. When you go to order food in the drive-thru, who is or better yet what is it that you talk to? It is a machine, although there is a person on the other end, you are still reciting your order to a machine. If it is ten o'clock at night and you need money, there are ATM's. All of these gadgets may be very nice and convent, but they result in lack of human contact.
Although it might be easy to blame technology for our feelings of loneliness, it is just a cop out. By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods. If a person wants to have human contact, all they have to do is go inside to the bank or go inside the restaurant to order. What it basically boils down to, is that it is our choice whether or not we use technology. It is a scary thought to think maybe one day we might live in a society where you will never have to leave your house. That by using FAX machines, computers, modems, and the telephone a person would never have to have human contact to get their job done. The thing is that if that is not what we as a society wants, we are the ones to speak out and change the outcome.
COMMENTARY
This response presents a competent discussion of the issue. The position presented in the first paragraph -- that "there are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves" -- is adequately sustained, but the examples given are not always clearly relevant (e.g., in the case of paragraph one's "computerizing" of factories, the decision to use the technology is not made by the individual worker.) Also, the reasoning is not developed as fully as it would be in a response at the score level of 6 or 5.
While organization is adequate, the response lacks the organized coherence of ideas that exemplify a 5 essay. Transitions, within and between paragraphs, are not always smooth or logical. The last paragraph could be much more clearly focused, i.e., several sentences repeat the same idea -- that "it is our choice whether or not we use technology" -- and the purpose or meaning of others (e.g., the last) is not immediately clear.
In general, ideas are presented clearly, although awkward phrasing sometimes contributes to vagueness (e.g., "By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods"). Lack of sentence structure variety seems to inhibit the communication of ideas (e.g., many short sentences are often used where one or two compound ones could make the points more effectively). Overall, this is an adequate response to the topic.
3
The technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative, they are just that, tools. The uses, however, are definitely a different story. Computers, I believe at one time, were developed to save us time. Do our work more quickly for us so that we could have more leisure time to spend doing those things we enjoy. We have found now, especially those of us that are parents, that all of the leisure time we have gained is either spent watching our children learn things on the computer or creating our own unique something on the family computer. For one thing, it has become a very fun item, the computers have become more than just work related technological tools. The amount of human interaction is limited, because people in general are spending much of their leisure time doing solo on the computer. In the past, it was common for the new young executive to get a membership to the exercise club as a perk, where he could socialize with the upper crust. Now the new young exec. gets a car phone or a portable fax, so that he can work from wherever he is, usually doing that solo trip to somewhere. Given these as examples, I would tend to agree with the statement that loneliness has increased as a direct result.
COMMENTARY
This response is limited in both its analysis of the issue and its control of language.
The writer clearly expresses the idea that "the technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative." However, the essay provides only limited support for the position; the two examples are loosely connected and undeveloped.
At times the organization of the essay makes for confusing reading. For example, the relevance of the "young executive" example is not clear because there is no transition from the preceding example of the computer. The conclusion, one sentence long, simply restates the claim made in the topic.
The awkward sentences are evidence of a limited fluency. Greater use of compound sentences could help eliminate structural problems and facilitate the communication of ideas (e.g., sentences 3 and 4 could be combined).
For all of these reasons, the essay received a score of 3.
2、Computers of all shapes and sizes, p.c.'s, laptops, faxes, phones, the list never ends. All considered by our society as great technological advances. Not many would argue that the development of these tools has not advanced our world in some ways. However they certainly seem to be making our world one in which contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary. Though some may be more comfortable not having to engage in direct contact, it is questionable whether this is beneficial to society as a whole. The very least result could in fact be a very lonely world, but it may result in more significant problems.
COMMENTARY
This response is seriously flawed. The analysis of the issue is extremely limited, and there are serious problems in sentence structure. The writer's position, never clearly stated, seems to be that as a result of technological developments, "contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary." However, the implications of this statement (and others) are never explored or developed. Furthermore, the list of technological advancements does not support or clarify the writer's already tenuously held position. Each new sentence could serve as a springboard to a thoughtful analysis but instead takes the response further from the apparent premise.
While the essay exhibits a lack of sentence variety and contains some grammatical errors, the language is for the most part controlled. This response did not receive a score of 2 because of a language problem, but because reasoning, analysis, and development are extremely thin and insubstantial.
1、
This statement is stating. The more advance in technology that society becomes, the more we depend on technology to live our everyday lives. Society as a whole will out do daily tasks and depend more on machines and computers to accomplish those tasks for them. For example; I was told that the younger generations use calculators in classes on a everyday level. We couldn’t do that. We had to resolve a problem on our own. Because calculators are being used, math problems are being adjusted around the calculators. If I didn’t know how to use a calculator today then I most likely wouldn’t know how to attempt to tackle the math of today. Computers of today are another example. Writing a essay took a lot of thought and hard work in past. Today, I can type some words in the computer and that computer will spell, make grammar correction, and dictate a right form to use in my essay. In the past we had to all these things on our own. I'm not putting down modern technology totally. I just want to state that if we take away people's ability to think then we will slowly loose our ability to function with out modern technology.
COMMENTARY
This response is fundamentally deficient because it does not discuss the issue. Instead, it briefly discusses the drawbacks of specific types of technology (e.g., calculators and computers) in terms of the effect they have on an individual's ability to function without them.
Furthermore, the essay lacks control of the basic elements of academic writing. Awkward and imprecise phrasing often interferes with meaning (e.g., "Society as a whole will out do daily tasks???").
Issue test2
"The media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."
6
For our grandparents it occurred through films and books. For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionary music. No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.
During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future. The once steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged. From where was all this rebellion stemming? Partly it was due to the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war. Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval that America experienced. There had to be another cause, and there was, the media. Although the films of the era were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts. The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that America had never before experienced. Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisure’s of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade. The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating. The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.#p#分页标题#e#
Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world. Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society. By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race. Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government. As a result, America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well. Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of women's rights.
While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies. During the Nixon
COMMENTARY
This is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished. The writer's views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.
The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines. The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest. The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally vague use of "it" ("For the baby boomers it was") effectively draw the reader in. By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue ("not simply being representative??? but creating them as well") and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.
The rest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the "roaring twenties" to the "sixties and seventies." Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references. For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.
Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively. Word choice is precise ("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties????" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")
Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women??? wore their hemlines??? shorter than the decade before them"), but they are not intrusive.
Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion. However, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.
5、
There are some who would say that the media reflects the values of society. I believe however, that the media in fact tend to create values in a society. The values created may be far different from the values that our society would choose to embrace. I offer two examples that serve well to illustrate that the media can in fact shape the very moral fibers in our society.
The first medium that comes to mind is music. Through music we can proclaim our love, communicate feelings, and express new attitudes. Music is widely available to almost everyone in our society. To see how music has changed the values of our society, one needs only to look to the urban sprawl. Rap and gangster styles of music reach millions of city teens and young adults. It's message is quite simple- violence, drugs, and sex . Young people are constantly bombarded with the message that if you want something all you have to do is to take it. The values of human life, respect for elders and children have been lost. We have gangs and random killings in the streets of most cities in our country. Are these my values? They are most certainly not. This music does not reflect the values of this society. This music is the very core of this degradation of our values. How many tricked out gang cars to you see that don't have the annoying bass rumble of Rap music vibrating out of them? This music is part of the persona of a whole generation of people. It is just as much a part of their ego as the guns, drugs, and abuse of women. Another medium that is shaping the values of our society is advertising.
Advertising is everywhere, on T.V., billboards, radio, even at the ballpark. Through advertising some vendors can create "values". To illuminate my point I will use tobacco companies as an example. Joe Camel has convinced millions of young people that it is cool to smoke. The Marlboro man has done the same. The audience is always the same. These ads are targeting young people. They have created the "value" among children that it is ok for kids to smoke. Again the values of society have been changed by a powerful media. I'm sure there are not too many parents out there who would want their children to start smoking. Another advertising media that will surely change the values of ours society is the Internet.
The internet is really just the world's largest commercial launched under the veil of access of useful information. It will be interesting to see just how this new network that has brought the world together will affect our values. These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point. I think they serve to illustrate that the media can in fact change our values. As for me, I'll be out back smoking a Don Lino, on a beautiful trout stream while sipping a cold beer, waiting for the trout to rise and hoping a couple of those girls from the Coors commercial show up.
COMMENTARY
This is a well-developed response. The four-paragraph organizational structure serves as a useful framework for the writer to develop a position on the issue.
The opening paragraph presents the writer's position ("media in fact tend to create values in a society") and announces the plan to present two examples to support that position.
As promised, two examples (music and advertising) follow in the next two paragraphs. The discussion of these examples is focused, relevant, and clear. Using vivid details and an emphatic writing style, the writer shows how music (especially rap and gnats music) and advertising (especially cigarette ads) have negatively influenced American values.
The final paragraph is an extension of the advertising example, focusing on the Internet as part of the advertising system. While the writer does little more than speculate on the influence that the Internet might have, this point does lead the reader to the writer's lively conclusion. The vivid picture of the writer enjoying the media-defined good life ("smoking a Don Lino??? while sipping a cold beer") effectively illustrates the writer's position that the media do, indeed, influence people in our society.
Overall, the reasoning is persuasive and the examples are well chosen, but the argument lacks the insight and cogency necessary for a score of 6.
The ideas in the essay are expressed clearly, although precision of language is not a strong feature. Sentences are generally well formed, often adding "punch" to the writer's views. Some sentences are unnecessary, especially those that belabor the obvious ("These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point. I think they serve to illustrate that the media can in fact change our values.") Overall, however, the writing is representative of a 5 essay.
4、
The media does tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society.
One example of this observation is the fact that the media is owned, controlled and used my a segment of the population that is usually out of touch with the realities of groups within the society it covers. . . For example, the gangster rappers have gained a reputation for being women hating, anti-authority, and violent. Before, the MTV and V-H1 and CNN provided coverage to these groups, they’re were limited to street sales and specific areas that w ere not mainstream. Thanks to national coverage in print and broadcast, these groups became more popular because it was "different" and taboo. The lyrics, dances, and fashion statements portrayed became big money items and suburbanite people were intrigued wither this counter-culture. They began to act, talk and behave like the lyrics expressed. Continued media frenzy contributed to kids wanting to become more familiar with this culture, thereby creating an atmosphere or arena for this counter-culture to legitimate. The media created these values but these values of the gangster rapper do not reflect the actual values of the society.
Another example of the media creating the values of a society is the coverage of the modeling industry. Clearly, most women neither want to or can look like Kate Moss. The typical Calvin Klein male models do not appear the way most men are naturally. This look is both unhealthy and atypical of most humans. Nevertheless, thanks to the media's coverage, including magazine advocating, newspapers ads, and commercials to sell products, a large portion of this society has done everything from liposuction to becoming bulimic to attain a supermodel look. If the media does not cover the industry in such a manner, a growing number of people would not care about the skeletal look of Kate Moss or any other unrealistic physical attributes that are usually genetically or surgically produced. The media creates this image of how men and women should look thereby creating the values of this society. These values would be totally different without the media's negative influence.#p#分页标题#e#
Lastly, when the media chooses to focus on perverse and negative, and unhealthy aspects of a society, then that part of society becomes the "values' of that society. Gangster rap or anorexic models could not possibly have made it without the media's concentrated coverage of either.
COMMENTARY
This response presents an adequate discussion of the topic. After a succinct announcement of the writer's position on the issue, the essay presents two relevant examples to support that position: musicians ("gangster rappers") who have negatively influenced kids' behavior and superstar models who have negatively influenced people's self-image.
Although the examples are well chosen and support the writer抯 position, they are not always clearly explained. For example, the writer claims that "most women neither want to nor can look like Kate Moss" but then contradicts that claim by explaining that "a large portion of this society has done everything from liposuction to becoming bulimic to attain a supermodel look."
In general, the vocabulary is clear, but not particularly precise. The sentences are formed correctly, but they lack effective variety. Grammatical and mechanical errors occur, but they do not seriously interfere. In almost every way, this essay is a typical 4 response.
3、
The values of society have changed so much during most recent years. Many of these values have changed for the worst. The media has been the vehicle that has taken us through these changes. The media has created so many avenues for us to take to find so many of these changes. They have created the avenues that children and young adults feel that they have to take.
Many years ago reporters and writers were telling us of all the good things that were happening in the world. You could walk into a store and even though there was a war going on, we would read about the soldier that left his family to fight for his country. Nowadays you walk into a store, read a book , or watch a T.V. show, and see all of the things that are happening in a very negative world.
The media is creating a society that say that it is O.K. for a man to wear earrings. That it is O.K. that marijuana is being legalized, that it is O.K. for juveniles to break the law. Why does not the media show us a professional male athlete that is also a family man? Why doesn't the author of a book or a reporter of a newspaper tell us about all of the bad things that happen to drug users and pushers? Why do the T.V. shows tell juveniles that all they get for breaking the law is a slap on the hands?
Society will be better off if the media would say, "Hey children, professional athletes can be good parents"! This would have a positive effect on the younger generation.
The media should do a better job in trying to create a good, healthy environment instead of showing us all of the bad stuff in our society. The media should show all young people the awful things that happen in juvenile hall, but that would be an infringement on the residents of the hall. Where are the rights of the people that they did not treat right?
Yes, the media is creating a bad influence in today’s young people. But I believe that everything in the media can be overcome and ignored. We need to raise our children right.
COMMENTARY
This response is simplistic in its analysis of the issue. The writer has much to say about the negative influence of media on children, arguing that the media "should do a better job in trying to create a good, healthy environment." However, the writer never seems to consider the complexities of the issue -- for example, whether, or to what extent, the topic's claim is accurate, or whether today's media can have a positive influence, or whether society has any influence on the media.
Also, some of the statements are not convincing. For example, when the writer asks, "Why do the T.V. shows tell juveniles that all they get for breaking the law is a slap on the hands?", many readers will immediately think of contradictory examples. The depth of thought is not sufficient for this essay to earn a score higher than 3.
There are problems in expression, as well. More precise language would express ideas more clearly, (e.g., "see all the things," "the bad stuff in our society," and "the awful things," and transitional phrases would help connect several important ideas whose relationship is unclear (e.g., "But I believe that everything in the media can be overcome and ignored. We need to raise our children right").
2、
"The media tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society", is true because society allow the media to pursue this in such a way.
The American culture as a whole lives through the pulse of the media world and is enthralled by movies, lyrics and film. Because of the nature by which our society is dependant on the media, the media is able to create any senses of values adaptable by our society.
This is not to say that the media is solely responsible for the values of American culture, however, our society makes this creation possible. Although there are many who will disagree with the medias portrayal of many issues, our society as a whole fuels the fire to which the media thrives on. For the most part, books, films and music are produced to sell and the media knows to which audience they are targeting.
The way in which a culture enable the media to create it's values, ultimately reflects the values of a society.
COMMENTARY
This is a seriously flawed response to the topic because the reasoning is weak and the ideas are unclear.
The writer's position on the issue seems clear enough, but the essay presents few reasons to support that position. And even those reasons are not explained clearly. For example, the writer often refers to the means by which the media influence society (e.g., "such a way," "the nature by which," and "the way in which") but fails to explain what those ideas mean or why they are important.
The reasoning is both seriously limited and unclear.
Problems in word choice frequently trip up the reader. For example, "our society as a whole fuels the fire to which the media thrives on" is an interesting idea, but the reader has to hesitate at the intrusive "to which." The same is true of this statement: "the media is able to create any senses of values adaptable by our society."
Also, many basic errors occur throughout the essay: subject-verb agreement (first and last paragraphs), comma splice (third paragraph), "medias'" for "media's" (third paragraph), and "it's" for "its" (last paragraph).
Both the lack of clear reasons and the poor use of language keep this essay at the 2 score level.
1、
The media is important and there are commercials for business reasons and news and entertainment.
For media to become mainstream, it must appeal to many people. The values expressed must be attractive to the audience, otherwise it will not sell. Example of specific media - Television:
Television rates each show by the number of viewers. Shows that do not have a large audience are usually cancelled and then they can allow time for a new show. Successful shows are duplicated. For example, Star Trek was successful so it is the creation of many new Star Trek shows (Deep Space Nine, Voyager). Viewers decide which shows stay or leave. What makes a successful or unsuccessful show? Usually if the audience can identify with an actor, or situation, etc. the show will gain popularity. Special effects make shows more interesting; but, if the plot is not acceptable, the show is usually doomed.
COMMENTARY
This essay does not analyze the issue. Unlike many other essays at the 1 score level, this response is fairly easy to read and has, more or less, an overall coherence. The writer's position is that media have to "appeal to many people" in order "to become mainstream," and the brief discussion supports that position. The essay was scored a 1 because it does not address the basic issue presented in the topic: do the media create or reflect the values of a society?
Readers are told to read supportively, but when a writer merely writes about something in the topic (in this case, "the media") and ignores the issue, the response will probably not earn higher than a 1. Similarly, an essay that discusses only "values" (religion, for example, with no reference to media) or "a favorite television show" (with no reference to how television reflects or influences people's values), no matter how well written, could not earn a very high score.
The sentences are generally coherent, and the errors do not seriously interfere with meaning. It is not the control of syntax or conventions per se that keeps this essay at the 1 level but, as noted above, the inability of the writer to clearly address the issue.
Issue test 3
"Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could. Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nation's boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."
6、
Cooperation---or Tragedy?
The solution to the world's growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that "environmental problems are global and respect no nation's boundaries." Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the world's wealthy.#p#分页标题#e#
As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environmental destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes be fodder for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions. Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity, the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to "interfere" in the internal politics of other nations.
Because of the differential impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate only modest environmental regulations. Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of today's pollution-control measures will be stacked against the unknown long-term effects of polluting actitivities. "Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful? Show me the proof, " an air polluting company may demand.
Realistically, it won't be until critical mass is achieved that the hoped for "choice of unity and cooperation" will be a viable one. Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the world's people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide. But the optimists (read: environmental activists) among us continue to believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways. They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling--or at least developing a big hole. The world, as a whole, ignores them.
One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that when the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it. That would be a "common tragedy" indeed.
COMMENTARY
This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superior facility with language.
While acknowledging that environmental problems are serious and of global dimensions, the essay explores the complexity of international cooperation. Such cooperation, the essay argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:
-- the unwillingness of nations to "interfere" with other nations through political measures such as restriction of foreign aid
-- inadequate environmental regulations, which are caused both by "the differential impact of polluting activities" between countries and regions and by the difficulty of comparing the "long-term effects of polluting activities" with the more easily documented, short-term costs of reducing pollution.
The essay distinguishes itself in part by its excellent organization. The first paragraph analyzes the claim and announces the writer's position; the second and third paragraphs provide clear examples supporting that position. The skillful use of a quotation from a business person vividly illustrates the economic impact of pollution controls. The last two paragraphs bring a sense of closure to the essay by continuing the theme announced in the first paragraph -- that cooperation must wait until more dire circumstances produce the political will necessary to reduce pollution.
The essay exhibits superior control of grammar and syntax, with only minor errors. Transitional phrases -- "because," "however," "for instance" -- help guide the reader through the argument. Also, effective sentence variety and the use of precise word choice help confirm the score of 6.
5、At no other time then in our present time has the need for unity and togetherness been more necessary to the inhabitants on our planet. For many decades the motto has been one of waste and denial. The world is in a race - racing to become number one - racing to destroy the earth. Traditions of protecting the earth have been abandoned as the need to satisfy infantile needs and desires wins out over the more philosophical desires of thought and meaning. Unfortunately many do not see the need for reforms in actions and thought; people are living for today and not tomorrow. Those that can believe in a future, and exhibit a desire to make a difference in this future must find a way to influence the remaining masses, and often it seems that the world simply refused to listen or learn from its past mistakes.
Those that answer this calling will not do so for notoriety, but instead for their beliefs that they can make a difference. They will need to be of strong heart, body, soul, and beliefs. Understanding the need for an overhaul in our system in the rampant abuses is the first step to obtaining advancement in the struggle to bring the world together in a way that will benefit mankind today and tomorrow.
For too many years American's have persuaded themselves that the environment was in no danger. Every year laws have been passed to protect our land, animals, and even our people. More often than not there are loopholes in these laws, allowing the environment to remain in peril. It seems that we often forget that we are not the only ones on earth. We are only a small percentage, and much too often our actions have a great effect on those that must subsist on this earth as well. One threatening example of this is the depletion of the rain forests in the Central and South Americas. It seems difficult for Americans to understand how these people can destroy their natural landscapes. Not only is the landscaped destroyed and the invaluable plants and animal life are also destroyed, and these can never be recovered. Americans express their annoyance at such practices, failing to see that we as consumers are one of the main causes of such actions. As a consumer society we depend on wood and other materials from these areas. Unfortunately these areas are nothing like what we see at home, instead it is a world of unimaginable poverty and harshness. In these areas where poverty is so prevalent often the only means of survival is found through the clearing of the precious rain forest for farm land. Certainly the fact that these people are farming in order to maintain their survival is important and can not be over looked. Yet, in most cases the farming is not done as a means of raising food and livestock for their own uses. This land is usually used to grow food for other countries such as America. This scenario depicts the wickedness that has become of our world. The first world nations are destroying the second and third world nations in order to fuel our excessive desires.
The world must find a way to come together so that there will be a tomorrow for everyone. New legislation must be passed that protects not only the environment of America, but the environments of other countries. Big business must also realize that they can no longer use dirty legislation and kickbacks to continue to pollute the earth.
Another important aspect that people must learn is that if we cannot learn to recycle and reduce waste, one day we will run out of dumping ground. It is frightening to think that this is what it will to take to make most people realize that actions must be taken to clean up our earth. It seems that we will only be able to come together when there is not other alternative. Perhaps the must unfathomable thought is, what happens if people do not unite together now to protect our environment. It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war as we fight each other to death over the last precious miles of land and food. Civilization will have come full circle; all of our technological and scientific advances will mean nothing if the earth is destroyed and mankind subsequently wiped out with it
COMMENTARY
This is a generally well-developed essay that examines the complexities of the issue and demonstrates good control of the elements of effective writing.
The writer strongly agrees with the topic's claim and uses the first paragraph to expand on the idea that environmental problems imperil the earth. These problems, according to the writer, derive from people's lack of maturity ("infantile needs and desires") and lack of foresight ("people are living for today and not tomorrow.")
The third paragraph provides a highly relevant example of the complexities involved in the issue, showing how damage to the rainforest can be attributed both to poverty in Latin America and to the voracious appetite of the wealthy North American "consumer society." From here the writer returns to the focus on planning for "tomorrow" and proposes a specific remedy ("New legislation must be passed????") The essay closes with a passionate description of a negative scenario for the future.
The response is well organized but, unlike a 6 essay, does not sustain a tight focus. Although the example of the rain forest degradation is highly relevant and fully developed, many of the reasons and assertions receive only cursory development or explanation ("new legislation must be passed???? It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war????").
The sentence structure in the essay is often nicely varied ("Not only is the landscaped destroyed but????"), but it is at times choppy ("This land is????" "This scenario depicts????" "The first world nations????")#p#分页标题#e#
The vocabulary is generally well chosen, with words such as "depletion," "unfathomable," and "subsequently." However, the phrasing is at times imprecise, as in these examples: "We are only a small percentage," and "At no other time then in our present time has the need??? been more necessary????"
4、
Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could. Environmental issues are a growing concern in our country today. It is an issue that concerns every person, no one is excluded.
Facing and solving environmental issues calls for unity and cooperation. Prejudices should be put aside in this time of need. Without unity our world as we know it will not exist in twenty-five years. People as a whole need to take action. Without unity and cooperation little will be accomplished.
There are many environmental issues we are facing today. For example, recycling is a simple and effective way to help the environment. If everyone did a small part the results would be enormous. Recycling is a good example because it is something every single person is capable of doing.
There are many ways people of any age, race, or sex can contribute to help the environment. Emissions testing for exhausts on automobiles is one way to help keep unnecessary pollutants from contaminating the air. Very few cities require emissions testing for automobiles. Columbus, for example, does not require emissions testing. My small hometown of Amherst, Ohio does require this test.
I believe the government needs to implement stricter regulations regarding environmental issues and also increase the funding that is allotted for it. Mandatory recycling laws with a stiff penalty for breaking the law is one solution. Funding for groups to do research is imperative. Without research there is very little we would know about anything including diseases and microorganisms.
People of the world need to understand the situation our generation and generations to come are faced with. This understanding needs to come from education. The United States has always been a forerunner in wars, peace talks, etc. It is now time for the United States to be the leader in solutions to environmental concerns. The greatest barrier in any situation is communication. If we communicate with each other and work together instead of apart results would be seen. Education is another great concern, especially in underdeveloped countries and third world nations. There is a lack of education in many of these countries. Education is the key to success.
In summary I would like to emphasize the importance in unity and cooperation on global concerns such as the environment. Also education is very important in making headway. I also believe the government should get more involved in these issues.
COMMENTARY
This essay presents and supports an adequate analysis of the issue. After stating the need for cooperation on the environment, the writer proposes several very specific remedies for environmental problems: recycling, emissions testing, research, education, and communication. The detailed description of emissions testing is useful; however, the other remedies (recycling, research, etc.) are not developed fully or persuasively.
In some areas the essay suffers from needless repetition. Paragraph six, for example, moves from education to communication and back to education. The conclusion, moreover, adds little, merely repeating earlier statements.
The control of grammar and usage is generally competent, but the sentences tend to be choppy. Although most of the ideas are stated clearly, the relationship between the ideas is not always made clear: "Also education is very important in making headway. I also believe the government should get more involved in these issues."
3、
WORKING TOGETHER FOR EACH OTHER AND THE ENVIRONMENT
Our Environment, if we take care of it, it will take care of us. CFCs destroying the ozone layer, hundreds of acres of the rain forest being destroyed daily, smog-infested air to breathe, global warming, world population increasing at an exponential rate, these are but a few of the things that we need to not only think about, but find ways to deal with them. We are not given this world by our ancestors we are borrowing it from our children and our children's children. We spend so much time trying to fix other countries problems, when we should be incorporating them in working toward solving the environmental issues. If we do not this huge, living planet will eventually become a lifeless hunk of rock floating in the large universe.
There are many ways that we can begin to work on these problems. First decrease the amount of CFC production and usage. Second save the rain forests, which are being cut down to make farmland that is not properly maintained. In a few years this farmland becomes infertile and more land is needed; thus more of the rain forest is destroyed. Educating farmers on different crops that will replenish the soil and keep it fertile. Third develop alterative methods of power other than fossil fuels, such as more hydro-electric, solar, and wind generated. The increasing population is going to require more food production as well as other needs. We need to be willing and able to manage our resources to meet these needs. If we work together we can accomplish the things that are necessary to protect the Earth and our future on it.
COMMENTARY
This essay presents a clear position on the issue but is limited in its development. The author first argues that everyone needs to cooperate to solve environmental problems and then lists the ways in which "we can begin to work on these problems": lowering CFC's, saving rain forests, developing alternative energy sources, and increasing food production. Although the proposed solutions are clearly relevant, they are not sufficiently explained, nor is the topic's claim about the challenges of international cooperation adequately addressed.
The overall organizational plan is adequate: introduction, list of solutions ("First???? Second???? Third????"), and a conclusion. Within the essay, however, the ideas are not always organized logically. In the first paragraph, for example, the sentence about "our ancestors" is followed abruptly by the idea that we need to work with other nations. The writer could improve this essay by clarifying the connection between ideas and by explaining these ideas in more depth.
Sentence-structure problems (run-on sentences, fragments, lack of parallelism) appear throughout the essay: "We are not given this world by our ancestors we are????" At times, the sentence structure is so awkward that the reader is somewhat confused about the writer's intended meaning: for example, "incorporating them in working."
2、Environmental problems will require a joint effect among people to solve, however, environmental problems may not cause people to come together. Should the problems continue for an extended period of time before any effort is made to solve them, they will reach a point of no return no matter how people come together to work on it. When this happens there will be increased shortage in our natural recourses. As supply of our resources goes down and demand remains the same or goes up there will be increased pressure to claim what resources remain. So instead of people working together to solve the problem, they will be fighting for what's left by the problem.
To solve this, people need to come together before the problem reaches a state of no return. This may be hard to do since the effects of environmental problems are not yet felt by a large degree (if felt at all) by everyone. At this point in time many feel it is not there problem to worry about since it does not immediately affect them. To remedy this people should become more aware of their current environment.
COMMENTARY
This response is seriously flawed. The essay's strongest feature is its fairly clear position: it agrees with the claim that environmental problems will require cooperation and presents a scenario for what will happen if there is no cooperation -- conflict over diminishing resources. However, the position is not adequately developed. Threatened "resources" and the "effects of environmental problems" are mentioned but not specified, and the essay does not provide any examples of how people might "come together" to address the problem or how they might "become more aware of their current environment."
Some of the sentences are worded clearly ("So instead of people working together???"), but others are so flawed by imprecise word choice that the meaning is difficult to understand: ". yet felt by a large degree (if felt at all) by everyone."
Also, a pervasive pattern of errors, including run-on sentences (the first sentence, for example) and unclear pronoun referents keep this essay at the score level of 2.
1、
In today’s society we spend to much time addressing issues that will not prepare us for the trials and tribulations facing our young people.
For example, there is a war on drugs that is effecting every family in America, without any consideration for race, gender, or ethic background. This country needs to develop a system on how to deal with this ongoing problem effecting Americans. There are certain issues that constantly take center stage in America; for example race relations has return to the horrible days of the fifths. There is know doubt that we are facing troubling times, and we are not paying attention to what is going on. We need to get back to our value system, family, work, church, and responsibility and emphasis to our children the importance of education and respect of others. If we provide a healthy model we can help curve the violence and mayhem the that is destroying our schools, cities and states.#p#分页标题#e#
Finally, if we are proud of being Americans, less take this problem and do something about it by diversity training and multi- cultural activities.
Sincerely,
COMMENTARY
This essay provides little evidence of a coherent response to the topic and contains severe and persistent errors in language and sentence structure.
The essay seems to define "environment" broadly, though vaguely, as the "cultural environment." While the idea that environmental problems are fundamentally cultural in origin could be the basis for a promising essay, this response does not coherently develop that idea. Moreover, the writer does not address the issue's claims about international cooperation. Instead the essay jumps from problem to problem without adequately describing those problems. For example, "the war on drugs" is referred to as a problem, but it is not clear whether it is law enforcement's "war" on drugs or people's use of drugs that is the issue.
The essay contains numerous errors that interfere with comprehension. These include errors in word usage ("emphasis to our children," "less take this problem") and grammar ("race relations has return to"). Finally, the essay ends with a closing ("Sincerely") that is more appropriate for a letter than an essay.
Issue test 4
Sample Issue Topic
"In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly over-rated. We need more generalists — people who can provide broad perspectives."
Please note: All of these sample essays are reproduced as written, although reformatted for this document. Misspellings, typos, grammatical errors, etc. have been retained from the originals.
Benchmark 6
In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, both positive and negative effects among persons in Western society call for a balance in which there are both specialists and generalists.
Specialists are necessary in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully assimilate the masses of new information and knowledge that have come out of research and have been widely disseminated through mass global media. As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and I paraphrase): "I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focused individuals at each step that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon." This illustrates the point that our societies level of knowledge and technology is at a stage in which there simply must be specialists in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us.
Simply put, without specialists, our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload. While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the knowledge in any given area.
On the other hand, Over specialization means narrow foci in which people can lose the larger picture. No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the whole body is hard and white. Useful conclusions and thus perhaps useful inventions must come by sharing among specialists. Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.
Not only may over-specialization be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of knowledge, but it can also serve to drown moral or universal issues. Generalists and only generalists can see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. With specialization, each person focuses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion, and new technologies are driven ahead. Meanwhile no individual can see the holistic view of our global existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all.
Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant personal and psychological compartmentalization. People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university) and must consciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their small and isolated universe. Not only does this make for narrowly focused and generally poorly-educated individuals, but it guarantees a sense of loss of community, often followed by a feeling of psychological displacement and personal dissatisfaction.
Without generalists, society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. Without a society that recognizes the importance of broad-mindedness and for sharing generalities, individuals become isolated. Thus, while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important. Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field and know what the stakes are.
Reader Comment on 6
This outstanding response displays insightful analysis, meticulous development, impressive vocabulary and a mastery of the elements of effective writing. The writer disagrees with the stated opinions by arguing that specialists and generalists are both vital: specialists prevent us from becoming "bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload," while generalists provide help to see "the big picture" and, unlike specialists, protect our "greater good."
The essay is carefully constructed throughout, enabling the reader to move effortlessly from point to point as the writer examines the multi-faceted implications of the issue and provides compelling reasons and examples to support the premise and take the argument to an effective conclusion. Although other "6" responses may not be as eloquent as this essay, they nevertheless all display the test taker's ability to articulate complex ideas effectively and precisely.
Benchmark 5
Specialists are not overrated today. More generalists may be needed, but not to overshadow the specialists. Generalists can provide a great deal of information on many topics of interest with a broad range of ideas. People who look at the overall view of things can help with some of the large problems our society faces today. But specialists are necessary to gain a better understanding of more in depth methods to solve problems or fixing things.
One good example of why specialists are not overrated is in the medical field. Doctors are necessary for people to live healthy lives. When a person is sick, he may go to a general practitioner to find out the cause of his problems. Usually, this kind of "generalized" doctor can help most ailments with simple and effective treatments. Sometimes, though, a sickness may go beyond a family doctor's knowledge or the prescribed treatments don't work the way they should. When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed as a disease that requires more care than a family doctor can provide, he may be referred to a specialist. For instance, a person with constant breathing problems that require hospitalization may be suggested to visit an asthma specialist. Since a family doctor has a great deal of knowledge of medicine, he can decide when his methods are not effective and the patient needs to see someone who knows more about the specific problem; someone who knows how it begins, progresses, and specified treatments. This is an excellent example of how a generalized person may not be equipped enough to handle something as well as a specialized one can.
Another example of a specialist who is needed instead of a generalist involves teaching. In grammar school, children learn all the basic principles of reading, writing, and arithmetic. But as children get older and progress in school, they gain a better understanding of the language and mathematical processes. As the years in school increase, they need to learn more and more specifics and details about various subjects. They start out by learning basic math concepts such as addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication. A few years later, they are ready to begin algebraic concepts, geometry, and calculus. They are also ready to learn more advanced vocabulary, the principles of how all life is composed and how it functions. One teacher or professor can not provide as much in depth discussion on all of these topics as well as one who has learned the specifics and studied mainly to know everything that is currently known about one of these subjects. Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects and finding out new facts on the old ones.
Reader Comment on 5
The essay presents a strong analysis of the complexities of the issue.
This writer's argument is rooted in two extended examples, both of which are well chosen and effective. The example in paragraph 2 begins with a discussion of the need in the medical field for general practitioners as well as specialists and moves into an example within the example (breathing problems and the need for an asthma specialist) to illustrate the point. This extension from the general to the specific also characterizes the example in paragraph 3. Overall, the essay is well-organized, in part because the writer connects ideas through the use of appropriate transitions: "but," "usually," and "for instance," among others. #p#分页标题#e#
While the writer handles language and syntax well, several bothersome problems keep this otherwise well-argued paper out of the 6 category. The problems vary from the lack of a pronoun referent ("When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed,...he may be referred to a specialist") to an error in parallel structure ("...how it begins, progresses and specified treatments"), to loose syntax and imprecise language ("Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects and...")
Benchmark 4
The need for generalists is undeniable but one can not underestimate the need and importance of specialists. The medical profession is a good example of an area that requires both generalists and specialists. If there were no generalists in the profession there would be no one to help patients determine when a specialist was needed. There are certain problems that a general practitioner can take care of and there are other problems that are out of his or her league. The general practitioner is the an appropriate place to start when a patient develops a problem. Many times the general practitioner is more than capable of handling problems that arise and other times he or she is unable to fully take control of the patient's care. It isn't a fault with the general practitioners. There is just too much to know for any one person to be an expert on all topics. It takes people years to become experts on a single topic, never mind being an expert on everything in the medical profession.
I am currently working in a large teaching hospital where the need for both general practitioners and specialists is obvious. When a patient is admitted to a general medicine floor, the general medicine physicians are not always able to deal with every problem the patient has without some help from the specialists. It would be unrealistic, not to mention unfair to the general practitioners, to expect the general practitioners to know everything about everything. The key is to know where everyone's knowledge and area of expertise lie and use their strengths to optimize patient care.
On the general medicine team in which I worked, the team would constantly be requesting consults from specialists. Whether it be a renal, psychiatric, orthopedic, rehabilitation, speech, gastroenterologist, or any other specialist, their input was constantly needed and used to get the patient well as quickly as possible. The list of specialists can go on longer than one would think and it is just impossible for one person to know everything about each one of them.
Although the need for generalists is apparent, it would be hard to survive without specialists, also. When a person acts as a generalist, they know little bit about everything, but certainly not a totally inclusive knowledge of everything. The specialist is there to help add the expertise and inclusive knowledge that the generalist may be lacking. The most important thing to remember with specialists and generalists is to recognize both's strengths and weaknesses and capitalize on the strengths to achieve whatever goal may be desired.
Reader Comment on 4
Overall, this is a competent response to the topic. The writer disputes the claim that "specialists are over-rated" and argues from the position that both specialists and generalists are needed. The single extended example clearly supports the premise of the argument as the writer compares the roles and responsibilities of generalists and specialists in the medical profession. By paragraph 3, however, the discussion falters, and the concluding paragraph does little more than repeat ideas presented in the first two paragraphs.
This essay displays generally adequate control over syntax and usage, and the word choice, while appropriate, lacks precision.
Benchmark 3
Generalists have the ideas and beliefs of what America is made of. America's wealth of knowledge can be related to the generalists of the past generations and the original leaders of our Constitution Period that helped shape our great nation. If our former leaders would have not been generalists when creating our country's Constitution in the late 1770's, American generations of would have been burdened with the constant understanding that they are doomed to failure.
The fact that our past leaders were not specialists gave the creation of the Constitution the ability to be changed through amendments passed by our represented leaders of today. The Constitution was created with the ability to adapt to the countries needs and demands in running our society as it changes over time. The generalists approach to this creation of a non-specialized Constitution shows the need for today’s generations to continue with the beliefs that a specialist would not follow.
America has learned from it's past and has done what it can to make the changes through adoption. America's greatness has been from the generalist leaders of the past, thinking for the Americans of the future. Americans with a broad perspective is what will continue to lead our great nation into the twenty-first century.
Reader Comment on 3
This response displays some competence but is flawed by imprecise use of language and limited analysis of the issue.
The writer supports the claim that generalists are preferable to specialists, offering as evidence the historical example of the generalists who created the U.S. Constitution. The example, while relevant, is not adequately developed. The middle paragraph traces the flexibility of the U.S. Constitution to the generalist orientation of 18th century leaders, but the ideas in the first paragraph are too vaguely expressed to contribute to this discussion, and the final paragraph consists of unsubstantiated generalities.
Frequent minor errors in punctuation, pronoun use, and verb tense, as well as imprecise syntax and phrasing (e.g., "Generalists have the ideas and beliefs of what America is made of. " and "...gave the creation of the Constitution the ability to...") contribute to the overall inadequacy of this response.
Benchmark 2
I disagree with the portion of the "Specialists of all kinds are highly overrated" statement. Specialists are persons who take care of certain tasks or a specific area of whatever the case may be. These persons contribute more time and effort than those with general titles. the specialists are the ones who can tell or give the client more details on what is happening to them. The generalist can only give broad ideas which can be a number of things. The specialist narrows the ideas down to the specifics. For example if one goes to a "general fractioned doctor" for pains in the chest area, he would tell the client that the problem may be heart burns, or something else that's not be so serious, depending on the symptoms. He may also refer him to a cardiologist to be sure it's not any thing else. The point I'm making is that specialist are people who can help us out even more that our generalist. Also the fact that one would go to a specialist only in dire needs.
Reader Comment on 2
The response presents a position on the issue but the development of that position is seriously flawed.
The writer begins by disagreeing with the assertion that "specialists...are highly over-rated" and then attempts to define and contrast specialists and generalists. The attempt is unsuccessful, partly because the descriptions are vague and ill-conceived.
Whereas the example of going to a "general practitioner doctor" is certainly relevant, the writer's claim that a general practitioner would tell a patient with chest pains that the problem "may be heart burns or something else that's not so serious" seems far-fetched.
The response is further weakened by poor word choice and by numerous errors in sentence structure, usage, and grammar. These problems, while not severe enough to seriously interfere with meaning, contribute to the overall rating of "2."
Benchmark 1
In today's society, there are many people who feel generalist are more broad than specialists. I will discuss how there is a need for generalists in the medical field, education, and the work place.
First, I will discuss how there is a need for generalists in the medical field. A generalist in this area would be straight foward with clients. For instance, in explaining to a patient they had cancer. A specialist would use wording that you would believe everything is fine.
Second, I will discuss how there is a need for generalists in the education field. In this field some instructors use "big words" and try to out smart themselves with there own thoughts of character.
Last, I will discuss how there is a need for generalists in the workplace. In the workplace the bosses should be open with personell. For instance, instead of acting like they know everything they should be open to knew thoughts and ideas.
Reader Comment on 1
On the surface, this essay appears to present an organized discussion of the issue. In actuality, there are fundamental deficiencies in analysis and development.
The essay begins with a tautology: "...there are many people who feel generalist are more broad than specialists." Then, in the three short paragraphs that follow, the writer promises to discuss "a need for generalists" in a specific field, but none of these discussions materialize.
The rest of the essay only confirms the sense of "fundamental deficiency." Rather than analyze the issue, the writer unpersuasively vilifies specialists as people who use their power to deceive and mislead others.
Although the errors (sentence fragments, incorrect verb tenses, and awkward syntax) are persistent, language problems alone do not earn this essay a score of "1." Rather, this response fits the scoring guide criterion of showing "little evidence of the ability to develop or organize a coherent response to the topic." #p#分页标题#e#
Issue test5
Topic: Duty of Educators
Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them. It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."
SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
The statement above conceals infesting connotations far above curriculum development. Issues of classroom control and development of scholarly talents are at stake, not simply a debate over which books are acceptable or over revisionist histories.
The statement itself is a bit misleading in that in my experience, student control over curriculum hardly existed. Each year, there were certain course offerings made available, and students were to choose from those offerings, of course bearing in mind requirements for graduation set forth by the administration. On a classroom level, the immediate, initial material may have been somewhat directed by the students, but this was a part of the process allowed by the teacher/professor in order to gain the interest and attention of the students. However, too much of any one thing becomes problematic; letting students set the curriculum, as with letting students choose and design their own major in college, serves ultimately to dilute the quality of the educational experience unless a single advisor can devote significant amounts of time to the individual student. This amount of time, or even the expense to the student of this individual attention, seem to indicate that resources would be better allocated elsewhere.
Of course, any school in which the students decide "what goes" is bound to have problems controlling students. Once the educators, be they administrators or teachers, are under the control of students, even a democratic situation would be like holding royalty acountable to the mob. Presently, students hear for hours that they should not forget to use a condom in the heat of the moment, and educators think the message gets through, while half the kids can't even remember to bring a pencil to class. Students go to school not to simply learn the Pythagorean theorem, but to learn direction and receive guidance. This cannot occur when students are in charge, and standards, already hard to find in America's contemporary public schools, will become unenforceable. If students dictate and administrators do, students will never learn academic responsibility, and if they can't be held accountable for homework, what other responsibilities will they avoid when they get older?
But in another sense, teachers and students do exist in a partnership of sorts. Teachers are there to satisfy the needs of the student, and the student, while perhaps not being the most experienced/ knowledgeable person on what his/her needs actually are (versus wants), at least should be afforded some say. In addition, we must remember what the purpose of education is, and that there are different levels of education.
In high school, the focus is not so much on learning actual material. The focus is on developing study habits, and on social interaction. The best secondary schools promote an environment in which individual creativity and pacing can be developed, where students are taught to thinkon their own, and learn to debate and argue in a scholarly way, through writing and other formal methods of discourse. Group collaboration and interpersonal skills are developed and honed. The actual details of what is studied and tested is of less importance. Whether a student reads Maya Angelou, or Yeats, or Euripides essentially is beside the point as long as a student's mind is cultivated, not just their ability to record and recite. What is important is that secondary students develop and grow in the hands of the professionals.
The secondary educational experience is designed to prepare a student for college. It is in college where the individual learns to examine the world and how it works, and the individual's place in it.
As for duty, it is the educators' duty not simply to determine the curriculum, but to present it effectively. They cannot half-heartedly paint it on the blackboard, they must enliven it and actually teach. Hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished. These are the duties of teachers, and the duty of the students is not just to learn or study, but to grow. An independent mind is what students need, and that mind has to be in a position to want and be able to question beyond the material presented, not simply to question its legitimacy. That distinction, though subtle, is the difference between letting the students follow a self-destructive course of premature self-determination on the one hand , and permitting on the other hand the fostering of great talents through a cooperative, mentoring relationship
COMMENTARY
This is an insightful, well-articulated discussion of curricular responsibility and the larger issue of academic responsibility. After a brief introduction examining assumptions implied by the topic, the writer skillfully develops the position that letting students dictate the curriculum could dilute the educational experience. Allowing students to determine the curriculum, the writer claims, will deny them the guidance and direction they need to learn academic responsibility.
The line of reasoning is strengthened by the discussion of how teachers and students can work in partnership to satisfy the needs of students. The argument is further advanced with concrete examples from high school courses showing how teachers provide guidance for students through group collaboration, development of interpersonal skills, and preparation for college. The examples are varied (from condom use to reading Angelou, Yeats, or Euripides) and used effectively to further support the writer's position.
In the conclusion, the writer thoughtfully discusses how educators should not only determine the curriculum but present it in an enlivened and appropriate manner. The final sentence, contrasting a "self-destructive course of premature self-determination" and "a cooperative, mentoring relationship," ties the essay together.
The essay is clearly organized, although the writer does not rely on conventional phrases (such as "first," "second," etc.) to signal the organizational structure. Instead, the organization and focus progress through the line of reasoning that moves fluently and coherently from one paragraph to the next.
Language use is generally precise and effective (e.g., "holding royalty accountable to the mob"), and sentence structure is well controlled (e.g., "hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished"). The few errors are minor, the kind that can easily be made -- and forgiven -- under testing conditions.
This outstanding response received a score of 6.
SAMPLE-2 (score 5)
FROM WHENCE SHOULD CURRICULUM COME?
"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them. It is the educator's duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."
As an elementary educator, I believe this stance is extremist. Educators and the public must come to a middle road. The high road and the low road are intimated in this statement. I believe the high road on this topic (from whence should curriculum come) represents a nouveau approach. Ask the students what they want to learn and study for the year; then meander, research and branch off of their interests. The low road on this topic (directly endorsed by this statement) is old fashioned and outdated. The assumptions behind this view include a magical ability by teachers to infuse reams of information, data and knowledge into students' brains that then become internalized and applied by the students.
In a complex and frightening society, we must look to the middle road. We must infuse the best of the high and the low roads. Current research has had a lot to say on curriculum development. Overreaching arguments defend the quality of students' self-directed learning. However, in order to prepare our students for this society, we must have developed the backbone and anchor for curriculum. Content and performance standards (i.e. curricula) need to be developed by the district's educators as a map for teachers. When educators provide students with choices WITHIN the map of curriculum, students relish in the freedom and take ownership for their learning.
Were we to provide students the ultimate authority in curriculum development, we would be doing an injustice not only to our students but to society as a whole. There are specific skills and abilities that need to be developed and taught -- regardless of students' (or for that matter, teachers') interest. In my profession as an elementary educator and as a parent, I value the abilities to read, write and be mathematically proficient. Those students not mastering those critical skills are at a disadvantage. We see those students become destructive or depressed. I have observed students struggling with the basics become outcasts in their own little worlds. Very young outcasts grow into adult outcasts.
I do NOT think it is unfortunate that today's educators emphasize students' interests. It IS our duty, however, to provide the parameters for their education. We can not simply state that educators determine curriculum and students follow. This is just not reality in the classrooms. When standards and curricular maps have been developed, teachers of today's children have the responsibility (yes, the duty!) to bring life to those maps. One crucial and successful way, is to provide students variety and choices within the context of "what needs to be covered." The educator who brings curricula to life for her students and gives her students the responsibility to make choices helps to prepare our children for thriving -- not just surviving.#p#分页标题#e#
COMMENTARY
This response presents a well-developed analysis of the issue and displays strong control of the elements of writing. The essay argues in favor of a "middle road" position on the issue by analyzing the pros and cons of both teacher-determined and student-driven curricula. The argument is clear and well focused, supported with first-hand experience and the results of educational research.
The writer endorses a curriculum that emphasizes strong basic skills (reading, writing, and math) and reminds the reader that the teachers' ultimate responsibility should be to bring curricula to life in order to "prepare our children for thriving -- not just surviving."
This essay displays a strong facility with written English language; the careful choice of words and carefully structured paragraphs help unify the structure of the argument. Overall, this response displays a strong command of academic writing skills and thus received a score of 5.
SAMPLE-3 (score 4)
The above quotation a concrete example of a major problem in our society today. While probably stated with good intentions, the quotation misses the mark on the path education needs to follow. As our society changes, so do our educational needs, and thus our educational curriculum needs to change also.
I find fault with the quotation on two fronts. First, the quotation does not acknowledge that curriculum must change. It seems to say the educator should decide when to change the curriculum. This does not lead to optimal learning conditions, ask anyone who studied high school history out of outdated textbooks. One can also infer some students won't be taught up-to-date information in a wide variety of areas. This can become ideologically dangerous. What happens when students are not given full teachings of such vital movements as the Equal Rights Amendment or the Constitution of their country? An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope. Curriculum must change, and should not be left to input from a single voice.
The second argument answers who should make curriculum adjustments. Obviously the educator still plays a large role in this matter. The students also need to be part of the decision process. The two groups need a give and take relationship when deciding topics for the classroom. If the students could benefit from learning material that is presently not taught in the classroom, it should be entered. Sex education and AIDS education classes needed to be part of the curriculum to inform young people. Those classes were added and have worked well.
A third party that has a role in curriculum development is private business, including research labs, goods and service providers, and financial businesses. By hiring employees with certain capabilities they have indirectly influenced curriculum for years. As time passes they will have more input by demanding subpar schools raise the level of student test scores in certain areas, either by stating so or by not hiring unqualified students
The quotation echoes of a time when school learning consisted of the three "R"'s and little else. For better or worse our society is much more complex now than then. For our schools to keep pace with our society we need to adjust our curriculum to what it should be, what we want it to be, and what it needs to be. The above quotation a concrete example of a major problem in our society today. While probably stated with good intentions, the quotation misses the mark on the path education needs to follow. As our society changes, so do our educational needs, and thus our educational curriculum needs to change also.
I find fault with the quotation on two fronts. First, the quotation does not acknowledge that curriculum must change. It seems to say the educator should decide when to change the curriculum. This does not lead to optimal learning conditions, ask anyone who studied high school history out of outdated textbooks. One can also infer some students won't be taught up-to-date informational a wide variety of areas. This can become ideologically dangerous. What happens when students are not given full teachings of such vital movements as the Equal Rights Amendment or the Constitution of their country? An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope. Curriculum must change, and should not be left to input from a single voice.
The second argument answers who should make curriculum adjustments. Obviously the educator still plays a large role in this matter. The students also need to be part of the decision process. The two groups need a give and take relationship when deciding topics for the classroom. If the students could benefit from learning material that is presently not taught in the classroom, it should be entered. Sex education and AIDS education classes needed to be part of the curriculum to inform young people. Those classes were added and have worked well.
A third party that has a role in curriculum development is private business, including research labs, goods and service providers, and financial businesses. By hiring employees with certain capabilities they have indirectly influenced curriculum for years. As time passes they will have more input by demanding subpart schools raise the level of student test scores in certain areas, either by stating so or by not hiring unqualified students
The quotation echoes of a time when school learning consisted of the three "R"'s and little else. For better or worse our society is much more complex now than then. For our schools to keep pace with our society we need to adjust our curriclum to what it should be, what we want it to be, and what it needs to be.
COMMENTARY
This essay presents a competent discussion of the issue. The essay's argument -- that curriculum should be determined by many voices, including that of private business -- is clearly expressed and adequately developed. The writer supports this position with relevant reasons, including an analysis of the need for private business to become involved in education. Examples are clearly relevant (e.g., sex education and AIDS education are cited as examples of how schools are offering new classes to meet the contemporary needs), and the writer uses details to help develop and illustrate important points. While the essay presents several ideas that are thought provoking -- e.g., "An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope" -- those ideas are not expressed precisely or persuasively enough to merit a score of 5.
The conclusion is appropriate; it reinforces the main idea of the essay, that schools need to keep pace with society and adjust curricula to meet the needs of both students and employers.
The essay consistently displays adequate control over the conventions of academic writing. Sentence structure is generally adequate, although many of the sentences would benefit from restructuring and the use of transitions to more effectively communicate the writer's ideas.
For all of these reasons -- competent analysis and adequate control of the elements of writing -- this essay received a score of 4.
SAMPLE-4 (score 3)
In today's society, there is too much emphasis placed on students desires rather than their needs. The students of today should have to study what is presented to them, rather than what is desired by them. Students are searching for the easy way out, and educators' are supplying them with that. Students should not only be presented with mandatory curriculum, but the educators should strive to insure that each individual student truly gains from their education, rather than just breezing through it.
It is vital to the continued success and expansion of the United States, that the young people be challenged in their curriculum and be encouraged to succeed in all that they do. The educators should determine a more strenuous curriculum, and enforce it at an earlier age. Thus, the young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it. Students have the easy way out, and they are not truly giving all that they can. There is so much potential that is just waiting to flourish, but it is the educators' responsibility to tap into that potential.
In conclusion, it is the educators responsibility to enforce curriculum and than requesting it. Students should be challenged and expect curriculum that will eventually lead them to a path of success.
COMMENTARY
This brief essay is flawed by its generalities, repetition, and limited development. The central thesis -- that it is the burden of educators to teach what they believe is necessary and that our educational system should not allow students to "breeze through" the educational system -- is not adequately supported. The middle of the essay merely repeats much of what was said in the introduction. The writer discusses the concepts of students' potential and educators' responsibilities in only the most general terms.
The two-sentence conclusion simply repeats earlier discussion and does not sufficiently tie together and comment upon the earlier discussion. To earn a score of 4, this essay would need to provide specific reasons and examples that more adequately develop its main points.
Also, the phrasing is often vague ("giving all that they can" and "path of success"), and the syntax is at times poorly controlled ("young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it.") Still, the problems are not severe or frequent. For all of these reasons, this essay received a 3.#p#分页标题#e#
SAMPLE-5 (score 2)
There is much school violence in each school. Those are big problems to our government and social. School violence effect the studying of students. This is very serious, even some students are nervous to go school. In fact, the government must give students a clean place to study. Teachers should help students know it is a duty to study. So, everyone should face those big problems.
Do we know what are students' ideas? Do the educators try to know? Most educators hope the government can give students more and help them more. These are people's hope. But it is so unfortunate that students can't have a good place to study. Also, teachers have to teach the students. Not those students can know what to study by themselves. In the campus, there are many guys sell the drugs and alcohol to younger students. Why those guys can go into the school? That is also the main problem.
When we were little, we didn't know what is correct and what is wrong. So we lose ourselves easily. At the same time, we need much care from parents and teachers. So our teachers and parents play the important roles and they own must do better. Because some students learn some bad habits from their teachers and parents.
If we want to resolve all the problems, we must face the problems and find out the reasons, then try to resolve them. We also must care all students. If we can help them, tiring to do our best. Then, the problems will become less and less.
COMMENTARY
This is a seriously flawed response to the topic. The writer begins by discussing school violence and the need for a good place to study, parental and teacher influence, and resolution of school problems. The issue of who should determine the curriculum, teachers or students, is implied but not addressed directly. In fact, teacher-directed learning seems to be a small point in a series of concerns related to school violence. The development of a position on the issue is unfocused and disorganized. Even the example, drug selling, relates to school violence and not to curricular responsibility.
Language errors are numerous. Problems with correct use of tense, diction, word order, sentence structure, and subject-verb agreement also interfere with meaning. Had the writer not included references to teachers helping students know what to study, the essay would probably have received a score of 1 instead of a 2.
SAMPLE-6 (score 1)
Today some educators place much emphasis on what students want, there is a conflict about what is the educator's duty for what educate should get.
Normally, the college or university in our country, students just study what they are thought; it is the professor's duty to dermine what should appear in the classroom. Nowday china has taken the polices of opening reforming, every thing change vastly. Students can't get the job position from government authority but must look for the work chance by themselves , so students have taken great care to what they learn into the college and what kind of knowledge does the job market need. If our high education institute ignore this change and keep the traditional teaching method, it will seem as west student's time and money and the colleges will lost their student.
It may be the best way for the developing country to reform their high education system, especially with those majors that closely connected with market or industry application. we must give our student most upcoming technology or skill to meet the need of outdoor of our college, the information from students may be the best reference for the educator to determine what they should take to the classroom.
COMMENTARY
This essay displays little ability to develop and organize a coherent response to the topic.
The essay takes the position that China needs to reform its traditional approach to curriculum by becoming more student centered and technologically current. However, the reader has to work hard to decipher the generally confusing line of reasoning, which does not obviously address the central issue presented in the topic.
There is an attempt to organize the argument into a three-paragraph essay, but the one-sentence introduction is simply a variation of the topic statement. The brief body of the essay does not advance an opinion in a coherent manner, and the final paragraph shifts the focus to the need for technology in the curriculum.
The errors (comma splices, misspellings, verb problems, etc.) are so intrusive that coherence remains a problem.
This essay would need considerable rewriting in order to earn a higher score than 1.
Issue test6
Topic: Best Ideas
Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."
SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
Even the most brilliant thinkers, from Socrates to Satre, live lives in time. A childhood, an adolescence, an adulthood; these are common to me and you as well as the greatest writers. Furthermore, many of the great thinkers we esteem in our Western culture lived somewhat uneventful lives. What distinguished their life from say a common laborer was their work. Therefore, what provided the grist for their work? One might say that they were brilliant and this alone was sufficient to distinguish their lives from the masses. Intellect alone can not devise situations or thoughts from no where; there must be a basis and that basis is most common, if not always, observation of the common, of the quotidian. Critics of this idea may argue that these thinkers were products of fine educations and were well schooled in the classics. This, they may point to, is the real basis for their knowledge. I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature. Where best to study human nature than in the day to day routine each one of us can witness in him or herself or those around us.
I propose that the two best disciplines to understand this power of the commonplace and its ability to cause a groundswell of thought are philosophy and literature. Every school of philosophy, from the Greeks to our day, share a common mission or intent and that is to understand and explain human existence, with all of its concomitant features. Generally speaking, the Greek philosophers, epitomized in Aristotle, attempted to set down rules for human behavior founded on logic. These rules applied not only to the rare forms of human behavior but largely focused on the more mundane motions of daily life. Many of Aristotle's rules were based on his observations of others as well as himself. Contrast this venture with the existentialists of our century who attempted to look behind the real motivations of human behavior as well understand man's relation to the Universe. To do this, what did these philosophers do? They studied those around them; they submerged themselves in the commonplace, in cities with hordes of anonymous people. While the existentialists, as well those philosophers before, exploited their uncommon education and intellect, the basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence.
Finally, literature is similar to philosophy in that it seeks to explain and understand human behavior and therefore rooted in the commonplace. Nevertheless, its relative strength over philosophy is literature's ability to emotionally and spiritually move the reader through the use of contrived situations and fictional characters. It can do this when even the central theme of a piece maybe love between a man and a woman (e.g. commonplace). Literature also distinguishes itself from philosophy in that the breadth of the fiction may be huge. The plot and the detail can be quite ordinary or fanatastic. However, this does not mean that the central themes of all literature, whether ordinary or fantastic, deal with human beings and the problems they find in the world, something which we all share.
In conclusion, I hope it has been shown that a passionate desire to understand and explain human behavior, the significance of our existence and deal constructively with the challenges of life are the centerpieces of at least in two of the most influential areas in human thought. What is more commonplace than the existence of man.
COMMENTARY
This essay sustains a well-focused and insightful analysis of the issue. Beginning with the observation that the greatest thinkers "live lives in time," the writer reasons that the great thinkers develop their ideas through observation of common occurrences and everyday reality. One of the strengths of this essay is the way in which it thoughtfully considers the opposing claim: that great thinkers are primarily the product of fine education, and that, being "well schooled in the classics," they are far removed from everyday life. The writer notes that, while it "may be a benefit to study classics," it is nevertheless true that being "well schooled in diverse disciplines" will simply "refine and hone an ability to study human nature" in its everyday manifestations. This observation is indicative of the writer's sophisticated grasp of the complexities of the issue.
The writer goes on to demonstrate the intellectual "power of the commonplace" by skillfully developing two compelling examples from academic life: philosophy and literature. Aristotle is cited as a philosopher who studied the "more mundane motions of daily life." Similarly, the writer explains, twentieth-century existentialists, in attempting to understand man's relation to the universe, found inspiration in the commonplace.#p#分页标题#e#
Another strength in this essay is the way it introduces an idea and then builds on that idea as the argument unfolds. For instance, in a discussion of the existentialists in the second paragraph, the writer expands on an earlier point about "thinkers" in general: the existentialists may have "exploited their uncommon education and intellect," but the "basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence." It is logical connections such as these that make for a coherent and well-focused discussion.
The writer uses language fluently and controls sophisticated syntax throughout the essay: "I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature."
This is not a flawless paper: word choice, for example, is not always precise. But the essay's cogent analysis, effective organization, and sophisticated sentence structure merit a solid score of 6.
SAMPLE-2 (score 5)
I can agree with the statement above that, "The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things. " The statement is an accurate description of how many people form great ideas from ordinary things in life. Sports are all great ideas that are made from commonplace things. What makes sports some of the best ideas is not what they began as but what they evolved into.
All athletic competitions began from commonplace things being brought together for the purpose of entertainment, excercise, and social interaction. Many of the sports people enjoy today are the results of someone's idea creating a new dimension of our lifestyle out of an ordinary object. Baseball, basketball, and track especially show that the idea of creating something wonderful out of ordinary objects is true.
Who would have thought that a stick and a ball would spawn into a national pastime, a generational tie between father and son, , a national bond between all races, and a multibillion dollar industry. Baseball began when someone decided to throw a ball at someone with a stick and that person with the stick would then try to hit the ball. What a simple concept and what a wonderful consequence.
Today the simple game of baseball is played all over the world. It is a sport that crosses international divides of religion, race, and politics. This one simple game, a bat hitting a ball, can bring the whole world together. But baseball is just one sport that shows the ability to bridge cultural gaps.
When Mr. Nesmith nailed a peach basket to a post and threw a ball into it he had no idea that millions of people would be playing his game today. Mr. Nesmith invented the game of basketball, which most everyone has played at some point in his or her life. Throwing a ball into a basket. What could be more simple or commonplace than a ball and a peach basket.
Today, basketball is the new American pastime. It replaced baseball because it is cheaper than baseball and it can be played by only one person. This interest in balls and new uses for them, as we can see in both baseball and basketball, brought about a huge social phenomena of exercise and new social interaction that would bring people together rather than divide them.
It doesn't take a ball to create a sport from a commonplace item. Track and field has no balls used in it, unless you consider the shot-put a ball. The whole sport of track and field is made of simple ideas: running, jumping, and throwing. Simple but yet it is one of the most watched events worldwide as evidenced by the recent Olympic Games. For example, team relay races consist of four people running around an oval track passing a baton to each other. A baton that is the only object you need to have a relay race, a baton is definitely a commonplace thing. Yet this event has such stars as Carl Lewis who is known world wide.
Sports and how they were created is the epitome of the idea that "the best ideas arise form a passionate interest in commonplace things." What might have seemed boring at the time of hitting a ball, or throwing a ball into a net, or passing a baton are all now events that millions take part in and even more watch. What makes these ideas great is that they all bring people from different backgrounds together, wither they intended to or not.
COMMENTARY
This essay presents a thoughtful, if not very well-developed, discussion of the issue. Drawing examples from the world of sports, the writer notes that most sports begin with a simple idea. Baseball, for example, "began when someone decided to throw a ball at someone with a stick and that person with the stick would then try to hit the ball." From this simple idea came a sport that is played and enjoyed all over the world. Instead of focusing solely on the universal appeal of sports, however, the essay introduces the idea that sports cross "international divides of religion, race, and politics." This is a perceptive idea, but it is not effectively supported or sustained.
Throughout the essay, ideas are expressed clearly and word choice is accurate. Sentences are at times well formed and varied: "Today the simple game of baseball is played all over the world. It is a sport that crosses international divides of religion, race, and politics. This one simple game, a bat hitting a ball, can bring the whole world together." On the whole, however, this is a 5 essay; it lacks the syntactic sophistication and insightful analysis necessary for a score of 6.
SAMPLE-3 (score 4)
While the best ideas do indeed arise from mankind's interest in the commonplace, one must realize that the "commonplace ideas" of our current society continue to evolve at such a rapid rate that we are converging on the Twenty-First Century on a wave of thought, ideas, and creation that would surely baffle our forefathers.
Simply put, Thomas Jefferson, a brilliant, and progressive thinker, was motivated to create certain societal services that he felt necessary for his time. Historians report that Mr. Jefferson witnessed a fire which destroyed a man's home. The victim was left with nothing. Mr. Jefferson, thinking it most unfortunate that a man should lose all his worldly possessions, developed a system of homeowners insurance. Of course today, we have taken insurance to a new and all-encompassing level. President Roosevelt adored nature and found great solace while visiting Yosemite in Wyoming. Among his many accomplishments, Roosevelt, our twenty-sixth President, is perhaps best known for his creation of a National Parks Protection program.
Over time, the basic needs of mankind have been met due to interests in the commonplace mixed with a progressive trait in man to make things simpler, faster, less expensive, and more gratifying.
Today, our "simple thoughts" turn to ideas such as space stations, the technological superhighway, and electric vehicles. Sadly, we must also repair much of the fallout from some of our "commonplace" inspired ideas. For example, evolved transportation has a price as we work to restore our environment.
If we are inspired by the simple motivations, dreams, and tasks of everyday life then we must make a commitment to development our muse. Perhaps, the best way to move ahead is to step back; to re-examine and learn from the art, science, history, love and war of our founding fathers. Perhaps simple is best. After all, that's where all the best ideas are born.
COMMENTARY
This essay presents a competent discussion of the issue. The opening paragraph introduces two ideas that serve as the primary focus of the essay. The first is that, as the topic claims, the best ideas are the result of an interest in commonplace things; the second is that our ideas are evolving at a rate of rapidity that would "surely baffle our forefathers." These two ideas are adequately developed in the course of the paper, but not with enough fluency or complexity to merit a score of 5.
The second paragraph, which considers the way in which ideas arise from an interest in commonplace things, is the most thoroughly developed section of the response. The examples are relevant: Thomas Jefferson, who used everyday observations to come up with the idea of homeowners insurance, and Theodore Roosevelt, whose passionate interest in nature led him to develop the National Parks Protection program.
The essay's other area of focus -- the rapid rate at which our ideas change -- is discussed in the third paragraph. Some good ideas emerge, but, unfortunately, they are not well developed.
The essay is organized with an introduction, three supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization would be stronger if the ideas in one paragraph or section were more clearly connected to the points made in the next section.
While there are some errors, they are not severe enough to interfere with meaning. In general, the writer expresses ideas adequately, although at times the wording seems almost haphazard and therefore a bit confusing: "to re-examine and learn from the art, science, history, love and war of our founding fathers." For reasons of adequate content and adequate presentation of ideas, this essay received a score of 4.
SAMPLE-4 (score 3)
The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things. This is something I learned from everyday experiences. I always found that the things I decorated my life with abundantly, were the things I treasured most. It could be a memory, a possession, or just a view. It's hard to create a whole picture without first looking at the pieces within it. My whole life of school and studies have brought me to college and have sparked my interest in applying to a graduate program. Never before did I realize how these little efforts would create this dream. In my field of dietetics many would be amazed to find that the food we eat could kill us or help us from disease.#p#分页标题#e#
There are many times where I'll be looking at the beautiful view, and I just have to go out and enjoy it. I do this by walking, gardening, or just lying in the grass. The feeling of the warm sun makes me dream. I know I'm not the only one who tends to overlook the basic things, like the tree outside that you used to climb, or the food you eat to give you energy and growth. We just have to take the time from our busy schedules to stop and smell the roses. Everyone's life is different, with our own experiences and thoughts to motivate us, and no matter who we are, some of the simplest things can bring great achievements in our lives.
COMMENTARY
This is a limited response; it does not adequately analyze the issue. The essay is primarily concerned with discussing the writer's own personal enjoyment of commonplace things. As such it never fully engages the topic's central issue -- the quality of the ideas that come from those commonplace things. Early in the response, the writer makes the following observation: "I always found that the things I decorated my life with abundantly, were the things I treasured most." This is typical of the simplistic analysis that characterizes this essay.
At the end of the first paragraph, the writer does make some hesitant steps toward a discussion of the ideas that might come from these everyday experiences, mentioning that "in my field of dietetics many would be amazed to find that the food we eat could kill us or help us from disease." This insight is not adequately developed, however, and, in the second paragraph, the writer returns to a discussion of the idea that one must enjoy the little things in life. In short, the essay is limited in its development, revealing only a partial understanding of the topic's assertion.
In general, the essay displays control of standard written English. There is not much syntactic variety, but neither are there profound errors. The essay received the score of 3 because its analysis is simplistic and vague, and its development is limited.
SAMPLE-5 (score 2)
The thought of a passion
In reading such a passage as the one given to me as an assignment I can't help but think of an analogy that entered my mind. It is my enduring interest in the field of multimedia. I say this because of the ideas in which I cultivate as an artist of many media materials such as paints, film, computer animated software, etc. Being an expressionist I take in my surroundings and personal experiences from commonplaces and things and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn. My ideas come from people or things because it tells a story. The story can be abstract, little, big, or even strange. To record stories like these may spark ideas that may come to me in a domino effect. It's beautiful] I shared this with you to conclude that sometimes even common things such as a pencil and an empty page can spell lout your fate and unlimited possibilities when you have a passion or an interest that drives your hunger for innovation.
COMMENTARY
This essay is seriously flawed in its analysis of the issue. The writer attempts to address the topic by focusing on his or her interest in "multimedia" art. Yet, while isolated words and phrases from the topic appear throughout the essay, the essay never clearly states a position on the issue. For example, in a discussion of multimedia art, the writer makes the following observation: "Being an expressionist I take in my surroundings and personal experiences from commonplaces and things and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn." The essay circles around the issue, without ever really engaging it.
The essay is also marked by serious flaws in language use: inaccurate word choice ("and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn."), unclear pronoun reference ("My ideas come from people or things because it tells a story"), and, in general, a debilitating lack of clarity and precision. These errors frequently interfere with meaning, a characteristic of many essays scored 2.
SAMPLE-6 (score 1)
The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things because they are from places in the heart. These ideas draw you to learn more about them. The idea or ideas have become passionate to you by either personal experience or by observation. It catches your attention and causes you to examine why or how the occurrence /idea exists. Institutively the desire to know more about the idea pushes you into further research of the subject. The idea can be something you don't understand to be acceptable or unacceptable. The drive to understand leads to passion and that passion drives you to developed a great idea.
COMMENTARY
This essay is fundamentally flawed; it does not present an organized, coherent response to the topic. Sentences and fragments are strung together with little, if any, underlying logic. The writer's position seems to be that the more passionate we are about an idea, the more we will pursue it. But this idea is not really developed, even in a perfunctory way.
The errors are so pervasive and fundamental that they seriously interfere with meaning. This response requires considerable revisions to receive a score higher than 1.
Issue test7
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."
SAMPLE-1 (score 1)
This statement is stating. The more advance in technology that society becomes, the more we depend on technology to live our everyday lives. Society as a whole will out do daily tasks and depend more on machines and computers to accomplish those tasks for them. For example; I was told that the younger generations use calculators in classes on a everyday level. We couldn’t do that. We had to resolve a problem on our own. Because calculators are being used, math problems are being adjusted around the calculators. If I didn’t know how to use a calculator today then I most likely wouldn’t know how to attempt to tackle the math of today. Computers of today are another example. Writing a essay took a lot of thought and hard work in past. Today, I can type some words in the computer and that computer will spell, make grammar correction, and dictate a right form to use in my essay. In the past we had to all these things on our own. I'm not putting down modern technology totally. I just want to state that if we take away people's ability to think then we will slowly loose our ability to function with out modern technology.
COMMENTARY
This response is fundamentally deficient because it does not discuss the issue. Instead, it briefly discusses the drawbacks of specific types of technology (e.g., calculators and computers) in terms of the effect they have on an individual's ability to function without them.
Furthermore, the awkward and imprecise phrasing often interferes with meaning (e.g., "Society as a whole will out do daily tasks . . . ").
SAMPLE-2 (score 2)
Computers of all shapes and sizes, p.c.'s, laptops, faxes, phones, the list never ends. All considered by our society as great technological advances. Not many would argue that the development of these tools has not advanced our world in some ways. However they certainly seem to be making our world one in which contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary. Though some may be more comfortable not having to engage in direct contact, it is questionable whether this is beneficial to society as a whole. The very least result could in fact be a very lonely world, but it may result in more significant problems.
COMMENTARY
This response is seriously flawed. The analysis of the issue is extremely limited, and there are serious problems in sentence structure. The writer's position, never clearly stated, seems to be that as a result of technological developments, "contact with our fellow man is less and less necessary." However, the implications of this statement (and others) are never explored or developed. Furthermore, the list of technological advancements does not support or clarify the writer's already tenuously held position. Each new sentence could serve as a springboard to a thoughtful analysis but instead takes the response further from the apparent premise.
This response received a score of 2, not because of language problems, but because reasoning, analysis, and development are extremely thin and insubstantial.
SAMPLE-3 (score 3)
The technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative, they are just that, tools. The uses, however, are definitely a different story. Computers, I believe at one time, were developed to save us time. Do our work more quickly for us so that we could have more leisure time to spend doing those things we enjoy. We have found now, especially those of us that are parents, that all of the leisure time we have gained is either spent watching our children learn things on the computer or creating our own unique something on the family computer. For one thing, it has become a very fun item, the computers have become more than just work related technological tools. The amount of human interaction is limited, because people in general are spending much of their leisure time doing solo on the computer. In the past, it was common for the new young executive to get a membership to the exercise club as a perk, where he could socialize with the upper crust. Now the new young exec. gets a car phone or a portable fax, so that he can work from wherever he is, usually doing that solo trip to somewhere. Given these as examples, I would tend to agree with the statement that loneliness has increased as a direct result.#p#分页标题#e#
COMMENTARY
This response is limited in its analysis of the issue.
The writer clearly expresses the idea that "the technological tools we as a society have developed are not in themselves positive or negative." However, the response provides only limited support for the position. The two examples are loosely connected and undeveloped; for example, the relevance of the "young executive" example is not clear because there is no transition from the preceding example of the computer. The conclusion, one sentence long, simply restates the claim made in the topic.
The awkward sentences are evidence of a limited fluency. Greater use of compound sentences could help eliminate structural problems and facilitate the communication of ideas (e.g., sentences 3 and 4 could be combined).
For all of these reasons, this is not an adequate response. It received a score of 3.
SAMPLE-4 (score 4)
Looking at the above statement, I see a lot of truth to the statement . There are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves. It may or may not be a conscious move, but the results are all the same. The isolation occurs in a variety of ways and in all different areas. By computerizing factories, there are more and more people working long hours by themselves, with there only companion as a computer monitor. Although the company may be getting better production, the question that needs to be ask is at what cost to their employees.
It is not only the management of big factories that are responsible for this isolation. This loneliness can be seen in many other settings. With the growing popularity of the television, the nation is seeing a decline in families talking and an increase in watching the television. Not only can this result in a generation of "coach potatoes", it is also causes less communication and a feeling of isolation from everyone that a person cares about.
So far technology has entered the work place and the home, it has also entered the social relm. When you go to order food in the drive-thru, who is or better yet what is it that you talk to? It is a machine, although there is a person on the other end, you are still reciting your order to a machine. If it is ten o'clock at night and you need money, there are ATM's. All of these gadgets may be very nice and convent, but they result in lack of human contact.
Although it might be easy to blame technology for our feelings of loneliness, it is just a cop out. By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods. If a person wants to have human contact, all they have to do is go inside to the bank or go inside the restaurant to order. What it basically boils down to, is that it is our choice whether or not we use technology. It is a scary thought to think maybe one day we might live in a society where you will never have to leave your house. That by using FAX machines, computers, modems, and the telephone a person would never have to have human contact to get their job done. The thing is that if that is not what we as a society wants, we are the ones to speak out and change the outcome.
COMMENTARY
This is a competent discussion of the issue. The position presented in the first paragraph -- that "there are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves" -- is adequately sustained, but the examples are not always clearly relevant (e.g., in the case of paragraph one's "computerizing" of factories, the decision to use the technology is not made by the individual worker.) Also, the reasoning is not developed as fully as it would be in a response at the score level of 6 or 5.
While organization is adequate, the response lacks the organized coherence of ideas that exemplify a 5 essay. Transitions, within and between paragraphs, are not always logical. The last paragraph could be much more clearly focused: since several sentences repeat the same idea -- that "it is our choice whether or not we use technology" -- and the purpose or meaning of others (e.g., the last) is not immediately clear.
In general, ideas are presented clearly, although awkward phrasing sometimes contributes to vagueness (e.g., "By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods"). Lack of sentence variety seems to inhibit the communication of ideas (e.g., many short sentences are often used where one or two compound ones could make the points more effectively). Overall, however, this is an adequate response to the topic.
SAMPLE-5 (score 5)
I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."" Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".
If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true. The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people. This is especially true in recent times due to the extremely rapid expansion of the Internet. E-mail and teleconferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.
However, I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals. Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people. Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contacts across the country. This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.
Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms. These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work. Automobiles have made possible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two. Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, unless the individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit. The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public. Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time". This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.
The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices. However, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing. Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet. These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than the price of the current top of the line PC. In addition, to cater to a larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds". This trend is not likely to cease.
In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion. The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.
COMMENTARY
This strong response analyzes the complexities of the issue. In disagreeing with the prompt, the writer makes a distinction between two types of loneliness -- loneliness caused by "the absence of . . . physical contact" and loneliness brought about by a lack of "intellectual contact" with others. The writer reasons that while "the automobile and other transportation mechanisms" originally kept passengers physically and intellectually isolated from one another, modern technology, such as the cellular telephone and laptop computer, has made intellectual contact "faster and easier" and has benefited users by allowing them to communicate with "a larger number of people."
Using clear and relevant examples of cell phones and the internet, the writer examines the impact of user-friendly telecommunications on the individual's ability to interact with others even when physical distance separates the communicating parties.
The organization is clear, yet transitions between paragraphs are not always smooth. The body of the response lacks the focus that would help move it to a score of 6. It is not always clear how the information given relates to the writer's initial position (e.g., the discussion of current prices for personal computers in paragraph five). The conclusion, while clearly relevant, attempts to impose order on the somewhat loosely connected paragraphs, yet fails to add substance to the analysis.#p#分页标题#e#
On the whole, the paper displays clarity and control, but the language is sometimes imprecise and less tightly controlled than it would be in a 6 essay. The following sentence is one such example: "The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices."
SAMPLE-6 (score 6)
Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together. Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology. The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.
The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous. They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet...
Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital? Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.
As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result. A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other. We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.
While I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.
COMMENTARY
This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language. The response immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history. The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and life" is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.
In contrasting the intended purpose of technology at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution with the end result of the use of today's technology, the writer skillfully expands the initial position and makes a sound point: "While technological developments have helped society in a practical way, they have contributed to a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time."
The analysis is tightly organized. With well-chosen examples and a character called Erg, the response moves well beyond a listing of examples, developing the analysis over five focused paragraphs, each building on the previous one. The conclusion -- that as a result of technology the individual begins to lose sight of the need to connect with fellow citizens in a meaningful way -- follows directly from the preceding paragraphs, while adding substantive analysis.
This writer is clearly in command of language and syntax, varying the sentence structure to express concepts succinctly. Word choice is generally precise and often highly effective, as in the following examples: "down-trodden automation," and "haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless."
Issue test8
"Wisdom is rightfully attributed not to people who know what to look for in life but to people who know what to overlook."
SAMPLE-1 (score 1)
Everyone can agree with this issue or not. I think everyone can have arguments to support it and arguments to not support it. It's one of that issue that is not true for everyone. I think if you know what to look for in your life maybe all your efforts can be very concentrated on certain things with the result of obtain what you planned to have in your life, with the result of being satisfied more than people who ask themselves any kind of questions prior to doing anything or prior to think about anything. These factors summarize to display truth about the issue and the discussion. People can disagree if they choose it. Now the question is wisdom belongs to those who know what to look for or to those who know what to overlook and in this behavior they can touch or stop the wisdom of other people?
COMMENTARY
This response presents a fundamentally deficient discussion of the issue.
The first portion of the response, while referring to "this issue," never clearly identifies the issue and, instead, contains statements that could be attributed to any number of topics. As such, there is little evidence of the ability to organize and develop a coherent analysis of the stated claim. The final statement essentially rephrases the topic as a question and seems to try to interpret its meaning, but -- without an explanation -- the ending merely adds to the overall confusion.
The severe and persistent errors in language and sentence structure add to the overall incoherence and the score of 1.
SAMPLE-2 (score 2)
It is common sense to think or state that wisdom should be attributed to people who only know what to overlook in life. But is should also be attributed to people who only know what to look at in life. Reason for this is because all the people should be exposed to this concept of wisdom. Even if the people who toned to overlook at life may have more of a background from farther reading and reading and research which they may have engaged in, there has got to be a way to expose the other people who may not be as knowledgeable, to this type of wisdom. In this way everyone will be able to take part in various discussion or debates that may be held based on the topic of what to look for in Life. It is also very true that when the topic of overlooking or looking at life comes up in a discussion everyone in the room is likely to have a common of their own to add. Their for the wisdom that may based on it is for everyone and not only the most wise one.
COMMENTARY
This response received a score of 2, not because of language problems, but because reasoning, analysis, and development are extremely thin and insubstantial.
This response displays serious weaknesses in analyzing the issue. Although the response states a position and offers limited support for the position, the reasons given are not always clear. The writer seems to be making an interesting point -- that more people should "be exposed to this concept of wisdom," but here, too, the meaning is not communicated clearly.
The response is further flawed by serious and frequent problems in language and sentence structure, which often obscure meaning.
This is not a 1 essay because the response does present a position with some support, and it is able to communicate some ideas clearly.
SAMPLE-3 (score 3)
I believe this statement is how you look at a glass of water. Either the glass is half full or it is half empty. The optimist would look for things in life, whereas the pessimist would try to avoid things in life. This summary will explain how looking for things in life better than overlooking a persons involvement in new opportunities and to learn from these new experiences.
I am strong believer in hands on experiences. If I have a open mind, try new things, and look for new answers to my questions about life, I will in the end gain wisdom because I have experienced many new situations. I plan on becoming a speech language pathologist in the future. In this field I will be dealing with clients who may have a disorder, such as autism or a cognitive delay. I must be aware of the red flags that identify these disorders. I must look for the obvious symptoms before I can overlook anything. If I would in my mind tell my self to overlook things. The result would be detrimental to my career and the individual I am treating.
Who can predict the future? So how can someone purposely overlook an experience in which they may receive a life lesson or gain knowledge. In conclusion, a person should look at the glass half full. No one can predict the future so how can one know what to overlook. Look for things in life, you may even stumble across that wisdom you were looking for in the first place.#p#分页标题#e#
COMMENTARY
This response displays some competence analytic writing since it presents a position on the issue and has a clear pattern of organization.
The opening paragraph introduces the topic and states a position that neither agrees or disagrees completely with the stated claim. The second paragraph presents an example; and the last paragraph provides a clear conclusion. The one example is minimally developed, however, and does not clearly explain "how looking for things in life [is] better than overlooking a persons involvement in new opportunities."
There are numerous small errors and problems in sentence structure (e.g., "If I would in my mind tell my self to overlook things."), but they do not seriously interfere with meaning. Thus, this response meets the criteria for a score of 3.
SAMPLE-4 (score 4)
I disagree with the opinion expressed above, in that I feel that the statement is omitting a very big part of what learning is all about. I firmly believe that wisdom is gained by careful observation of all that is around us in our lives. We gain a great deal by watching those around us, or by observing our surroundings, as well as watching the assembly of an object. All my life, I have learned a great deal by being very observant of people and their reactions to certain situations, or to procedures that are to be followed. Being observant has helped tremendously in traveling as well, since it has helped me recall certain landmarks to know if I am going in the correct direction. It is true that if we pay too much attention to insignificant detail, we clutter our minds with too much that is unnecessary. Instead, we should have more time to devote our attention to that which is meaningful. In the field of science, we teach our students to be observant, and to look for specific reactions. If they don't learn to watch closely and record their data precisely, their results will be less than adequate, and their data will most likely not be very accurate or dependable. The statement above has merit, but it does not represent wisdom in its entirety. It doesn't do justice to the great amount of learning that taken place through the ages through simple observation. Our forefathers survived by learning and knowing what to look for. That information was then passed on, so each successive generation didn't have to gather the same basic knowledge, but could build on what had already been learned. As a society, we need to lean on those who come before us, to learn valuable lessons from their experience, and to decipher that which we can improve on and that which is steadfast through the ages.
COMMENTARY
This response presents a competent analysis of the issue, taking a position contrary to that expressed in the prompt, at least initially.
After stating the importance of "careful observation of all that is around us," the response presents reasons and examples to support that position. The examples are clear and relevant, although the analysis is fairly brief. Also, the organization and focus of the response weakens a little, especially as the writer interrupts the group of examples with a statement that "if we pay too much attention to insignificant detail, we will clutter our minds with too much that is unnecessary." This statement modifies -- and weakens -- the initial position, which the writer believed "firmly."
The writer’s ideas are conveyed with reasonable clarity, but -- as is evident in the closing sentence -- this response lacks the skillful use of sentence structure and vocabulary that communicate meaning in responses that typically earn higher scores.
SAMPLE-5 (score 5)
Never before in history have people been so beset with the overflow of ideas and images that the modern human must endure. We are constantly bombarded with news, advertising, and entertainment, so much so that we are often at a loss as to where we should focus our attention. This has lead to what many media critics have called "information anxiety," a term used to describe the paralysis the ordinary human experiences when attempting to organize and synthesize the vast amounts of data that move past her everyday. Now, more than ever before, it can be seen that wisdom truly is attributable to those "who know what to overlook."
The Internet is a good example of the effects of information overload on people. Many people receive hundreds of email messages a day, yet there is no possible way for them to respond, let alone read, all of these messages. Through practice they learn to pick out what will be of interest and to ignore the rest. A similar phenomena occurs when a person is "browsing the web." Information, both trivial and profound, float by in a disorganized way. A person learns to ignore what is not relevant to their search. This is easily demonstrated by watching a person new to the Internet next to someone who is a veteran of the net. The new person will stumble on loads of irrelevant information while the veteran will most likely proceed to the information she seeks. This ability to overlook useless information is not only applicable to the net; consider the older but more established form of information known as the book.
Ever since Guttenberg rolled out his first few pages from his press humans have been wondering how to synthesize all this knowledge. Each year more and more books are written and published, more and more information is available to the public through bookstores and libraries, and each year the average person must struggle harder to find what she needs to know.. This is one of the primary reasons people are sent to college: they are taught how to access and research information they need.
It is only through experience that one understands how to overlook useless data. This is most likely what the author of the above quote meant.
COMMENTARY
This response presents a well-developed analysis of the issue.
Beginning with a strong description of the current state of information overload, the first paragraph provides a context for the issue and takes a clear position agreeing with the stated claim. The Internet example is well chosen and well developed, clearly supporting the point that wisdom involves learning to ignore what is not relevant. The reference to books reinforces this position but does little to advance the argument or add insightful analysis. The conclusion restates an earlier point, adding little to the analysis.
Despite a few instances of imprecise reference (e.g., "this has" and "all this knowledge"), the argument is presented clearly and coherently, meriting a score of 5. To earn a higher score, the response would need to develop a more thoughtful analysis of the issue.
SAMPLE-6 (score 6)
The quotation is certainly correct, insofar as it describes at least an element of wisdom. In other words, I do agree with the proposition, subject to the proviso that the achievement of wisdom may well also involve other traits or attributes.
Having qualified my answer somewhat, I must endorse the principles put forth in the quotation. Overlooking -- or, perhaps, forgetting -- is a crucial skill one needs to master in order to navigate the often-treacherous paths of life without undue torment. From my own experience, and from observations of friends, family members and business associates, I am well aware of the pitfalls which await those who fail to overlook the petty, the unnecessary and the irrelevant.
In modern America, as it happens, the importance of overlooking is probably greater than ever before. Even a person trying to lead a quiet, simple life encounters an endless stream of annoyances, errors and petty demands such as paperwork, filing numbers and taxes; long lines at the bank; exponentially aggravating traffic jams and sullen, uncooperative coworkers and neighbors. Those of us who cannot overlook such annoyances will invariably succumb to self-defeating dismay.
The ability to overlook also reflects a healthy sense of proportion and priorities. The wise "overlooker" will ignore his or her spouse's failings after making a considered judgment that these are outweighed, in the long run, by greater and more significant strengths. for example, what wise or reasonable person would destroy a marriage solely because an otherwise faithful, kind, generous, intelligent and prosperous partner occasionally tosses socks on the floor?
An elderly aunt of mine makes a striking example. Long widowed, she now spends her days sitting in her apartment, carping endlessly about the many relatives who have slighted her. Nobody calls enough. Nobody pays her any attention. Nobody cares, she says.
And, indeed, why should they? Who wants to visit with someone, elderly or otherwise, who does nothing but complain, find fault and scour for slights? Were she wiser, perhaps she would ignore or even suppress her interminable grievances and take more interest in the world at large, including the very individuals whose attention she purportedly craves.
The paradigm of overlooking applies with equal force in the worlds of business and politics. Look at Richard Nixon: a brilliant, often original thinker, he was nonetheless continually obsessed with minutiae and the unimportant. On some level, I'm sure, he himself realized the dramatic impact of such a glaring character flaw; when the situation was long past salvaging, he exhorted his staff and friends to "Never be petty," a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance.
More prosaically, in business and everyday life, it is indeed the wise person who overlooks or ignores a vast amount. Why come home every day nurturing a grudge? Why spend time grappling with activities, people or attitudes which bring nothing but pain and torment? Still, most of us do, at least somewhat, and find ourselves far diminished for it.#p#分页标题#e#
In sum, I think it's safe to say that much in this world merits not even a cursory examination, and those among us are wiser and happier who can successfully budget their time and energy in order to avoid negativity.
COMMENTARY
This is a thoughtful, well-articulated analysis of the issue.
The response opens with a clear endorsement of the stated claim, along with an acknowledgement that wisdom involves additional traits. The writer then begins building an argument that modern life is so full of "petty annoyances" that it would be "self-defeating" to pay much attention to them. Using, first, examples that illustrate the trivial demands encountered everyday (e.g., paperwork, traffic jams), the analysis moves on to personal types of experiences (a partner’s annoying habits; an aunt’s self-pity) and then to politics, where, the writer implies, Nixon met his political demise at least partly because of his obsession with "minutiae and the unimportant." The examples clearly support the writer’s position and lead effectively to the concluding observation about learning to "budget" our time and energy to avoid the negative aspects of life.
In several places, the skillful use of questions helps move the analysis along. And throughout, the skillful use of sentence variety and precise vocabulary combine to convey meaning effectively, as in this excerpt: "when the situation was long past salvaging, he [Nixon] exhorted his staff and friends to ‘Never be petty,’ a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance." This kind of insightful, articulate analysis merits a score of 6.
Issue test9
Topic: It is important for higher education to challenge established traditions and values.
SAMPLE-1 (SCORE 1)
Yes, I agree with the asseveration in general terms because some times certain traditions and even values are based in the ignorance and that kind of values, in my opinion should changed. However, there are also important historical traditions that in my opinion should be conserved because they are part of the identity of the nations. The develop of the science ha changed traditions and values throughout the whole history of the humanity. The example of Galileo in the middle age struggling against the old traditions and believes about the movement of the sun around the earth shown us that certain believes and values are not correct, for that reason I think it is important for higher education to challenge every day the established traditions and values.
SAMPLE-2 (SCORE 2)
Many believe that education is vocational in nature. Numbers should be learned to balance a check book. Reading should be taught to find a job. These skills are necessary but education should not stop there. Descartes' famous 'I think, therefore I am,' is evidence to the fact that life is a learning process. Those who seek higher education choose to better themselves beyond checkbooks and jobs. They choose to educate the greatest gift of all, the human spirit. It is this gift that must be educated and there is no better way to do this than challenge. Challenging beliefs, traditions, and values to some seems inappropriate or cruel, but in the long run the desired outcome is a more fortified set of beliefs that may be discussed (or argued) at many levels . This challenge to authority is protected in a free society and should be embraced by higher education.
SAMPLE-3 (SCORE 3)
Through out time higher education establishments have maintained a plethora of traditions and values that have been honored for years. Today there may not even be any understanding of how these traditions took place, however many insist on upholding their validity. Although there are some traditions that will always be maintain in good graces, such as the honor code, there are far more that should be challenged.
When many higher education institution came about, they were designed only to educate the male, upper class. Today, to be successful in the professional world, many socioeconomic groups aspire to continue their education past high school. Do to this change in attendance, there must be change in traditions and values.
The first change should start from the very beginning, the admissions policies. Many young adults who come from highly education families rely on their admissions to college solely on legacy. The process of accepting new students based only on who went there before should be completely illuminated.
Also within admissions, the board deciding should try to make the student body as diverse as possible. In bringing in a many different cultures to the campus a college has the opportunity to create new traditions and values. These new traditions can be brought to all different aspects of the college, such as student government activities, multicultural events, and even the more formal event like commencement.
Overall, many people feel that as the times change so does the traditions for all establishments. With many minds collaborated in a higher education system, it is the perfect environment to challenge all that is brought to the table, simply because we can.
SAMPLE-4 (SCORE 4)
I believe it is important for higher education to challenge established traditions and values. Changes, improvements, and evolution in our communities and society overall begin with the expansion of individual's knowledge, as well as, a development of an understanding of the diverse paradigms from which individuals see themselves and the world of which they are a part. This essay will seek to explain and support this opinion.
Higher education offers students many opportunities to expand their knowledge and perspectives. Students develop critical thinking and organizational skills and learn to communicate their ideas in an effective and meaningful manner. They learn to interact with individuals of diverse backgrounds and can gain a deeper understanding of the cultural differences which play a significant role in the current global world which exists today. They can also learn a great deal about issues: of personal importance to them and about which they are passionate, as well as those concepts and ideas which challenge and stimulate their minds.
In the context of participating in higher education, students are provided with situations and ideas that may challenge the traditions and values that they have learned and relied upon in their lives. Such challenges are important because they encourage students to reevaluate the paradigms and ideologies from which they see themselves and the world. They are then stimulated to develop new ideas and concepts that can be implemented to make improvements to economic, humanist and global issues.
The evolution and improvement of our world must first begin with individuals. Increased knowledge and appreciation for diverse cultural traditions, values and influences provides individuals with the necessary tools to make effective contributions to society. By challenging established traditions and values, higher education plants the seeds of growth and change in the minds of students and in doing so, can help to improve global, national and local economies and societies.
SAMPLE-5 (SCORE 5)
If the purpose of education is to pass down traditions and values to future generations exactly as they exist in the present, then educational institutions will resemble craft guilds. If the goal is to reach for higher truths and delve deep to perfect the current level of human understanding, then the crafters of higher education are obliged to challenge established traditions and values. Do not misunderstand - I am not a proponent of radical moves to throw out the baby with the bathwater, but I believe that there is need in our society for both types of schools: those which teach currently accepted norms, and those which are probing and challenging those norms.
Even within schools at a more basic level, students should be discouraged from accepting all they learn at face value, and to question and challenge. These students however, need to be provided with tools and rules by which to challenge, such as those taught in geometry relating to hypotheses and theorems. Students at the post elementary level are naturally challenging and questioning the voices of authority who are engaged in educating their young minds. Such reactions are developmentally appropriate, but in too many cases are simply quashed by teachers, rather than nurtured and refined. Many opportunities are missed by teachers who fail to teach the rules and tools for challenging traditions and values, which may lead to radical and groundless rejection on the part of the young learner. It is best for teachers of the young to adapt and apply the best tools available in institutions of higher education which will help mold youngsters into knowledgeable but creative thinkers.
One example from the theory of education might help clarify my point. Lev Vygotsky, the Russian educator had a theory called 'the zones of proximal development.' An effective teacher will constantly challenge his student to reach one step beyond their current level of understanding. Vygotsky did not believe that it is sufficient to provide knowledge. He and others such as John Dewey believed that the learner must confront and manipulate knowledge, values, and traditions in order to comprehend and internalize the material being learned. Thus the information is never in a constant state, but is being molded by the teacher, by the learner, and by the encounter with the subject matter.
If a shark stands still in the ocean ,it is destined to die, and so it is with traditions and values. If traditions and values are preserved under a glass dome, with no room (or air) for challenge and change, the traditions and values will eventually die. It is the inherent obligation of institutions of higher learning to preserve the right of its students and faculty to challenge traditions and values and to do so using fairne#p#分页标题#e#
SAMPLE-6 (SCORE 6)
I feel it is impossible to not recognize the validity of this argument. It is important for higher education to challenge established traditions and values! Certainly in our society there are many traditions and values worth adhering to; however, if we refuse to challenge them, them we are accepting the status quo without realizing the full potential of other opportunities. Higher education and all other levels of education should challenge their students to think not only about English, history, or math, but about the inherent values and traditions implied in those areas as well, because the questioning of these things requires thoughtful consideration and conviction, times and societal influences change, and worthwhile traditions and values will stand the test of time.
Teachers are well aware that valuable teaching requires much more of an individual than solely the knowledge of subject matter, and at all levels of education are required to challenge their students to think. Research has proven that decision-making skills and higher order analytical thought processes are much more critical to student success than actual subject matter. Teaching about traditions and values are part of this process. Most students learn traditions and values from their families; unfortunately, lots of students in our society don't have families with traditions or values (taught or implied) and we are therefore required to teach them to a certain degree. As a result, those students who do acquire values at home can begin to determine whether or not they agree with those philosophies, and those students who do acquire values at home can begin to determine whether or not they agree with those philosophies, and those who haven't can learn about all types of traditions and values and determine which of those they would like to adopt. It is all about challenging people to think; therefore allowing them to mature and become more responsible members of society.
Also we must recognize that society changes (progressing or regressing) over time. We cannot allow all traditions and values to remain the same because they are no longer appropriate. For example, there was once a court edict in the early 1900's that no more than 3 women should reside in the same house together. Of course this was needed both because of brothels and the "fragile" needs of women to have male protection; however, times have now changed. We have sorties and those women wish to reside together! Similarly, two hundred years ago we did not teach sex education in schools, yet today it is almost a dire necessity to defer the ever increasing rate of teenage pregnancy, sexual transmitted diseases, and AIDS, The tradition to keep such matters 'private, or in the home' is no longer acceptable considering the needs of society to deal with these problems.
Lastly, those traditions and values that are worthwhile and necessary to our existence will stand the test of time and remain essential ingredients to our lifestyles. We will always have religion is many forms and debates about national holidays, but the consistency is in the fact that we have them. Hopefully, four thins about life will always be essential: the need to respect one another, formulate intelligent responses, think before we speak, and have manners. Those manners might change, as have some with women's lib (i.e. the opening of doors, purchasing of meals based on fender, etc.), but manners of some type will always be necessary.
In conclusion, it is important maintain worthwhile tradition and values as they stand the test of time, so long as we think about them and challenge ourselves, As a result, all members of society will be stronger in their convictions.
A recent survey of dental patients showed that people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely to have capped teeth -- artificial but natural-looking protective coverings placed by dentists on individual teeth. Those people who had begun using Smile-Bright toothpaste early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than were people who had begun using Smile-Bright later in life. In addition, those who reported brushing their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright toothpaste were more likely to have caps on their teeth than were those who reported brushing with Smile-Bright less frequently. Therefore, people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste.
Issue test10
Sample-1 (Score 6)
The argument contains several facets that are questionable. First, the reliability and generaliability of the survey are open to question. In addition, the argument assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship. The argument also fails to examine alternative explanations. I will discuss each of these facets in turn.
In evaluating the evidence of the survey, one must consider how the survey was conducted. If the questions were leading or if the survey relied on self reports, the results might be unreliable -- people might just respond with the expected answer. One must also consider how broad the survey was. If the survey was limited to a few patients of a certain dentist, the results might be attributable to those particular individuals and that particular dentist. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most people. In addition, even if the survey was broader, one must consider whether it was limited in certain ways. For example, were the survey respondents old people? Was the survey limited to a certain city or geographic region? Factors such as these could explain the survey results and could undermine the generalizability of the survey results.
Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. The argument assumes that the correlation between the use of SMILEBRIGHT and capped teeth means that SMILE BRIGHT causes the need for capped teeth. But the argument fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the conclusion. In addition, the argument fails to consider the possibility that people who already have capped teeth might prefer SMILEBRIGHT as a toothpaste because it works better on capped teeth.
Finally, the argument's author fails to rule out alternative explanations. For instance, people who brush their teeth more than twice a day might be those who are prone to the need to have their teeth capped. It might also be the case that starting with SMILEBRIGHT early in life damages the teeth so that capped teeth will be needed later. It also might be the case that SMILEBRIGHT users tend to be the kind of people who are excessively concerned with the appearance of their teeth, perhaps they’re actors, and so are the kind of people who might, sooner or later, want to have their teeth capped anyway.
In conclusion, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship -- that using the toothpaste actually causes the need for capped teeth. It could be further improved by ruling out alternative explanations for the supposed causal relationship.
Commentary
This outstanding response begins by announcing that the argument "contains several facets that are questionable." The author then develops the critique around three main points:
-- the reliability and generalizability of the survey results are open to question;
-- the argument assumes that a correlation amounts to a causal relationship; and
-- there are alternative explanations for the facts uncovered by the survey.
Each of these points is analyzed insightfully and in great detail.
The writer demonstrates mastery of the elements of effective writing. The organization is clear and logical; in fact, the organizational plan outlined in the first paragraph is followed to the letter in the second through fourth paragraphs. The writing is fluent -- transitions guide the reader from point to point in each paragraph; sentence structures are varied appropriately; diction is apt. Minor flaws (e.g., the typographical error "question") do not detract from the overall outstanding quality of this critique. For all of these reasons, the essay earns a score of 6.
Sample 2 (Score 5)
The argument above is not sufficiently supported by the evidence given. Arriving at the conclusion that people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste is not valid based on the information above.
First, a major flaw in the argument is that no other factors are pointed out that might be causing teeth to be capped other than using Smile-Bright toothpaste. For example, were these dental patients all from the same geographical area? If so, they might all be drinking water that is low in fluoride which is causing tooth decay and consequently they will need their teeth to be capped. Another common factor among the patients might be their dietary habits which could be causing tooth decay and capping of teeth rather than using Smile-Bright toothpaste.
In addition to looking at other common factors among patients surveyed, the type of data collected in the argument above needs to be more closely examined before a conclusion can be determined. For example, while patients who brushed their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright were more likely to have caps on their teeth than those who brushed less frequently with Smile-Bright, this does not prove that Smile-Bright was the cause of capped teeth. It could be that people who brush their teeth too frequently, no matter what toothpaste they use, are in jeopardy of having to get their teeth capped. Also, the fact that people who began using Smile-Bright early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than those who began using Smile-Bright later in life should be further explored. It could be that using Smile-Bright as a child is harmful to teeth while using it as an adult has no ill effects.#p#分页标题#e#
Finally, no information is given about how many patients were surveyed or how they were selected. The number of patients selected and if they were randomly selected is important information to have in determining how valid the results of the study are.
Based on the lack of consideration of other common factors among patients, insufficient data collected, and lack of information about the number of patients surveyed and how they were selected, I would not accept the above argument that people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste.
Commentary
his strong response presents a well-developed critique of the argument. It is clearly and logically organized and the writer's control of language is evident. Analysis begins in paragraph 2, where the writer identifies a root flaw in the argument (i.e., the unsupported assumption that the relationship between capped teeth and Smile-Bright is causal). The critique proposes two external factors that may provide alternative explanations for the apparent "causal" relationship.
Paragraphs 3 and 4 address other holes in the argument:
-- whether frequent tooth brushing with any toothpaste could lead to
tooth capping
-- whether Smile-Bright is more harmful if used at a young age
-- whether the survey was sufficiently large and/or representative
Each point is described in a generally thoughtful way, but not as fully as in a 6 essay.
The writer is generally in control of the elements of effective writing. Sentence variety and above-average diction are strengths in this response, although there are some awkward sentences (e.g., "Arriving at the conclusion that people wishing??? should not use??? is not valid???"). For all of these reasons, the essay earns a score of 5.
Sample 3 (Score 4)
This argument has nice examples but is not very logically sound. I'm sure that there are many people that have capped teeth that never used Smile-Bright toothpaste. Has a similar study been done on people using other brands of toothpaste? Also, did all of the patients in the study see the same dentist? Maybe the dentist was faulty. Additionally, were all of the patients from the same geographical area? There could be a problem with the water that causes one to need caps. This argument is not telling all of the pertinent facts.
The argument also makes faulty assumptions. For example, it is assumed that people who use Smile-Bright had healthy teeth to begin with. Maybe Smile-Bright is a special toothpaste for people with unhealthy teeth, and if the people weren't using Smile-Bright they would have many more caps, or maybe something worse. It would help the argument if the author presented evidence that said people who used Smile-Bright had perfectly healthy teeth before their Smile-Bright use began.
I think that in order to make this argument more persuasive more facts must be included that answer some of the prior questions. However, one way to make the argument more persuasive without changing the content at all would be to publish it in a scholarly journal. People tend to believe what they read in scholarly journals.
I found this argument logically unsound. Not only does it ignore relevant information, it also is misleading.
Commentary
This adequate essay addresses several of the logical flaws in the argument. The writer critiques the vague and incomplete description of the survey, noting that the lack of details makes the argument unsatisfactory and logically unsound. Several criticisms are offered to support the critique:
-- The survey's validity is questionable
-- The sample may not adequately represent the general population
-- It is illogical to assume that using Smile-Bright causes capped
teeth
While all three criticisms are relevant, development is only cursory. Moreover, the linkage among these points is vague, the primary connection being that each provides evidence of the omission of "pertinent facts."
In the third paragraph, the writer reasons that the argument would be more persuasive if it were published in a scholarly journal. This, however, is unrelated to the line of reasoning in the argument, and only detracts from an otherwise competent analysis.
Control of language is better than adequate. The writing is clear, focused, and free of surface errors. Overall, though, this 4 response lacks the fullness of development and analytic precision that might warrant a higher score.
Sample 4 (Score 3)
This argument is unreasonable in stating that people who do not want capped teeth should not use Smile-Brite toothpaste. There is no solid proof that indicates that there is such a relationship. The recent survey only stated that people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely those that have capped teeth. It could be the case that this toothpaste is best for capped teeth, although it did not say this. It also did not mention what percent of people have capped teeth later in life and use this toothpaste. The statement about when in life somebody uses the toothpaste is related to if they have capped teeth does not make sense. There are other reasons people get capped teeth like eating habits and regular dental check-ups. In addition, people brushing twice a day with this toothpaste should have a positive effect not a negative one. People brushing more should get less capped teeth than people who brush less.
Commentary
There is some attempt at analysis in this limited essay. The writer identifies sufficient grounds for judging the argument to be "unreasonable"; these range from generic ("There is no solid proof that indicates that there is such a relationship") to accurate but imprecise ("It could be the case that this toothpaste is best for capped teeth???"). The last two sentences, which complain that people who brush more should have fewer capped teeth, do not address the logic of the argument and are poorly reasoned.
There is no apparent organizational plan in this essay. It is not disorganized, but the several points of the response are juxtaposed rather than clearly connected. Language control is generally adequate, but the declarative sentences are unvaried and awkwardly phrased (e.g., "People brushing more should get less capped teeth than people who brush less"). At least one sentence displays incorrect syntax: "The statement about when in life somebody uses the toothpaste is related to if they have capped teeth does not make sense."
In sum, this essay earns a 3 because of limited development, weak organization, poor reasoning, and imprecise syntax.
Sample 5 (Score 2)
The argument itself is fairly logical. The writer uses a straight-forward explanation that follows a continuous path. Each statement justifies the one before it and also lead to the following statement. The writer did not, however, use any form of statistics to back up their statements. The reader must take the word of the writer as truth. For example, the writer claims that, "...people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely to have capped teeth." What was the criterion of the dental patients they surveyed? Also, why did the writer decide to explain what capped teeth were? Most people have some knowledge of basic dental hygiene.
Commentary
The first two sentences of this seriously flawed essay credit the argument with being "logical" and "straight-forward." One expects this to lead into an uncritical acceptance of the argument, but, instead, the remainder of this brief response is apparently aimed at critiquing the argument. What follows, though, are three or four points that are either overly general and vague (e.g., no statistics are cited to support the argument) or illogical (e.g., "why did the writer decide to explain what capped teeth were?").
The essay displays adequate control of language, but earns a score of 2 because it
-- does not develop ideas and is illogical; and
-- provides little, if any, relevant or reasonable support.
Sample 6 (Score 1)
In that case using the Smile-Bright toothpaste in any stage of your life you will have capped teeth as it is clearly indicated that using Smile-Bright toothpaste Therefore, in order not to have capped teeth it is better not to use but use other toothpaste that have no side effect which will affect your life.
If I wasn't aware of the recent survey of use of smile-bright toothpaste then it is better to be quiet sure of the side effect of any toothpaste before using as a design like that will effect your life for ever. Therefore the person should be careful in purchasing and using of thing which will effect his appearance and will have further consequces and result in using of artificial protective coverings .
Commentary
This fundamentally deficient essay appears to understand the language of the argument, but uncritically accepts the reasoning. The writer demonstrates no evidence of being able to analyze the logic of the argument but, rather, agrees with it: "in order not to have capped teeth it is better not to use but use other toothpaste."
In addition, there are severe and persistent errors in language, grammar, and syntax. Overall, this essay fits 3 of the scoring guide criteria for a 1, and thus warrants that score.
Issue test11
Topic: Generalists vs. Specialists
Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
"In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly overrated. We need more generalists -- people who can provide broad perspectives."
SAMPLE-1 (score:6)
In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, both positive and negative effects among persons in Western society call for a balance in which there are both specialists and generalists.
Specialists are necessary in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully assimilate the masses of new information and knowledge that have come out of research and have been widely disseminated through mass global media. As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and I paraphrase):"I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focussed individuals at each step that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon." This illustrates the point that our societies level of knowledge and technology is at a stage in which there simply must be specialists in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us.
Simply put, without specialists, our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload. While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the knowledge in any given area.
On the other hand, Over specialization means narrow foci in which people can lose the larger picture. No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the whole body is hard and white. Useful conclusions and thus perhaps useful inventions must come by sharing among specialists. Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.
Not only may over-specialization be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of knowledge, but it can also serve to drown moral or universal issues. Generalists and only generalists can see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. With specialization, each person focuses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion, and new technologies are driven ahead. Meanwhile no individual can see the holistic view of our global existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all.
Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant personal and psychological compartmentalization. People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university) and must consciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their small and isolated universe. Not only does this make for narrowly focused and generally poorly-educated individuals, but it guarantees a sense of loss of community, often followed by a feeling of psychological displacement and personal dissatisfaction.
Without generalists, society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. Without a society that recognizes the impotence of broad-mindedness and fora for sharing generalities, individuals become isolated. Thus, while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important. Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field and know what the stakes are.
COMMENTARY
This is an outstanding response -- insightful, well reasoned, and highly effective in its use of language. The introductory paragraph announces the writer's position on the issue and provides the context within which the writer will develop that position: "In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement"
The argument itself has two parts. The first part presents a compelling case for specialization, primarily in the field of medicine. The second part presents an equally compelling, well-organized case against overspecialization based on three main reasons:
-- logical (narrowly trained specialists often fail to understand the whole)
-- moral (usually generalists understand what is needed for "the greater good")
-- personal (specializing/pigeonholing too early can be psychologically damaging)
The argument's careful line of reasoning is further strengthened by the skillful use of expert testimony (quotation from a prominent medical researcher) and vivid metaphor (to inspect only one's toenails is to ignore the whole body).
It is not only the reasoning that distinguishes this essay. The language is precise and often figurative ("bogged down in a Sargasso sea of information overload," "a pile of useless discoveries," and "specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts, while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field"). The reader is constantly guided through the argument by transitional phrases and ideas that help organize the essay and move the argument forward. This is an exceptionally fine response to the topic.
SAMPLE-2 (score 5)
Specialists are not overrated today. More generalists may be needed, but not to overshadow the specialists. Generalists can provide a great deal of information on many topics of interest with a broad range of ideas. People who look at the overall view of things can help with some of the large problems our society faces today. But specialists are necessary to gain a better understanding of more in depth methods to solve problems or fixing things.
One good example of why specialists are not overrated is in the medical field. Doctors are necessary for people to live healthy lives. When a person is sick, he may go to a general practitioner to find out the cause of his problems. Usually, this kind of "generalized" doctor can help most ailments with simple and effective treatments. Sometimes, though, a sickness may go beyond a family doctor's knowledge or the prescribed treatments don't work the way they should. When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed as a disease that requires more care than a family doctor can provide, he may be referred to a specialist. For instance, a person with constant breathing problems that require hospitalization may be suggested to visit an asthma specialist. Since a family doctor has a great deal of knowledge of medicine, he can decide when his methods are not effective and the patient needs to see someone who knows more about the specific problem; someone who knows how it begins, progresses, and specified treatments. This is an excellent example of how a generalied person may not be equipped enough to handle something as well as a specialized one can.
Another example of a specialist who is needed instead of a generalist involves teaching. In grammar school, children learn all the basic principles of reading, writing, and arithmetic. But as children get older and progress in school, they gain a better understanding of the language and mathematical processes. As the years in school increase, they need to learn more and more specifics and details about various subjects. They start out by learning basic math concepts such as addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication. A few years later, they are ready to begin algebraic concepts, geometry, and calculus. They are also ready to learn more advanced vocabulary, the principles of how all life is composed and how it functions. One teacher or professor can not provide as much in depth discussion on all of these topics as well as one who has learned the specifics and studied mainly to know everything that is currently known about one of these subjects. Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects and finding out new facts on the old ones.
These are only two examples of why specialists are not highly overrated and more generalists are not necessary to the point of overshadowing them. Generalists are needed to give the public a broad understanding of some things. But , specialists are important to help maintain the status, health, and safety of our society. Specialists are very necessary.
COMMENTARY
The essay presents a well-developed analysis of the complexities of the issue by discussing the need for both the generalist and the specialist.
This writer's argument is rooted in two extended examples, both well chosen and effective. The first (paragraph 2) begins with a discussion of the necessity for medical generalists (the general practitioner) as well as specialists and moves into an example within the example (breathing problems and the need for an asthma specialist). This extension from the general to the specific characterizes the example in the next paragraph as well. There, the discussion centers on education from elementary to high school, from basic arithmetic to calculus.
Smoothness of development is aided by the use of good transitions: "but," "usually," and "for instance," among others. The essay ends by revisiting the writer's thesis.
While the writer handles both language and syntax well, some bothersome problems keep this otherwise well-argued response out of the 6 category. The problems vary from the lack of a pronoun referent ("When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed, he may be referred to a specialist") to an error in parallel structure ("how it begins, progresses and specified treatments"), to loose syntax and imprecise language ("Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects")#p#分页标题#e#
SAMPLE-3 (score 4)
Specialists are just what their name says: people who specialize in one part of a very general scheme of things. A person can't know everything there is to know about everything. This is why specialists are helpful. You can take one general concept and divide it up three ways and have three fully developed different concepts instead of one general concept that no one really knows about. Isn't it better to really know something well, than to know everything half-way.
Take a special ed teacher compared to a general ed teacher. The general ed teacher knows how to deal with most students. She knows how to teach a subject to a student that is on a normal level. But what would happen to the child in the back of the room with dyslexia? She would be so lost in that general ed classroom that she would not only not learn, but be frustrated and quite possibly, have low self-esteem and hate school. If there is a special ed teacher there who specializes in children with learning disabilities, she can teach the general ed teacher how to cope with this student as well as modify the curriculum so that the student can learn along with the others. The special ed teacher can also take that child for a few hours each day and work with her on her reading difficulty one-on-one, which a general ed teacher never would have time to do.
A general ed teacher can't know what a special ed teacher knows and a special ed teacher can't know what a general ed teacher knows. But the two of them working together and specializing in their own things can really get a lot more accomplished. The special ed teacher is also trained to work on the child's self-esteem, which has a big part in how successful this child will be. Every child in the United States of America has the right to an equal education. How can a child with a learning disability receive the same equal education as a general ed student if there was no specialist there to help both teacher and child?
Another thing to consider is how a committee is supposed to work together. Each person has a special task to accomplish and when these people all come together, with their tasks finished, every aspect of the community's work is completely covered. Nothing is left undone. In this case there are many different specialists to meet the general goal of the committee.
When you take into account that a specialist contributes only a small part of the generalist aspect, it seems ridiculous to say that specialists are overrated. The generalists looks to the specialists any time they need help or clarification on their broad aspect. Specialists and generalists are part of the same system, so if a specialist is overrated, then so is a generalist.
COMMENTARY
This is an adequate response to the topic. After a somewhat confusing attempt to define "specialists" in the introductory paragraph, the writer presents a pertinent example (the special education teacher) to illustrate the importance of specialists. The example dominates the essay and contributes positively to the overall score of 4.
The second example, how a committee works, is less persuasive. However, it does seem to help clarify the writer's definition of "general" as an umbrella term meaning the total collection of what specialists know about a topic.
Although the writer's views about the relationship between "generalist" and "specialist" are unusual, they do become clear in the conclusion of the essay. Yet, these ideas are not developed in depth or with enough logical control to earn a score higher than 4.
The writing is generally error free. There are few problems in sentence structure, grammar, and usage, although the phrasing is at times imprecise and wordy. Overall, this essay displays clearly adequate control of the elements of written English.
SAMPLE-4 (score 3)
To quote the saying, "Jack of all trades, master of none," would be my position on the statement. I feel specialists in all areas of knowledge lead to a higher standard of living for everyone. Specializing in different areas allows us to use each others talents to the highest level and maximize potential. As an example, if a person required brain surgery, would they rather have a brain surgeon or a general practitioner doing the work? Clearly a specialist would do the better job and give the patient a chance at a better life.
A university education starts by laying the groundwork for general knowledge but then narrows down to a specific field. General knowledge and a broad prospective are important, but if there was no focus on specific areas, our overall knowledge as a population would be seriously lessened.
Another example of specialists not being overrated would be international trade. Not every nation can provide for themselves. They need to get products and ideas from other parts of the world because they are better at providing them. This allows for a growing economy if two different nations can provide each other with two different products. If one country can produce oranges better than another, it should trade the oranges for the fish that it can not produce. If generalizing was the normal thing to do and both countries tried to produce all kinds of products, the countries would probably survive, but not have the standard of living they presently have.
COMMENTARY
This essay takes a position -- that specialists are important and necessary -- but exhibits problems with development and use of examples.
The writer's position is made clear in the first paragraph and is reinforced with the appropriate, though unoriginal, example of the brain surgeon versus the general practitioner.
Paragraph 2, with a second example of an increasingly narrow university education, contains only two sentences and is seriously undeveloped. It does little to advance the writer's position.
Paragraph 3 offers yet another example, the most developed of all. Unfortunately, this example is not clearly logical. The writer tries to argue that the "specialist" country (one that is a better producer of oranges) is superior to the "generalist" country (presumably one that produces oranges as well as other products). This generalist country, the writer tells us, would be inferior to the other. This conclusion does not emerge logically from the writer's argument, and it seems to be at odds with everyday reality.
Although language is used with some imprecision throughout the essay, the writer's meaning is not obscured. The main reasons for the score of 3 are the lack of sufficient development and inappropriate use of examples.
SAMPLE-5 (score 2)
In the situation of health I feel that specialists are very important. For example if a person has heart problems, choose a heart specialist over a genral medicine Dr. However if a person is having a wide range of symptoms, perhaps choose a Dr. with a wide range of experience might be more helpful.
It also depends on the type of problem you are having. For example I would not suggest taking a troubled child to a theorpist who specializes in marriage problems. In some cases have a specialists helps to insure that you are getting the best possibly treatment. On the other hand dealing with a person who has a wide range of experience may be able to find different ways of dealing with a particular problem.
Since the quotation did not state exactly what type of specialist we are dealing with it is also hard to determine the importance of having a specialist is. For example the could be health or problems with a car, or basically anything else. I feel that this information should not have been left out. I guess the bottom line is that I feel sometimes a specialist is very important.
COMMENTARY
This is a seriously flawed response to the topic. The essay argues in favor of specialists, but neither the reasons nor the examples are persuasive. The example of not taking "a troubled child to see a therapist who specializes in marriage problems" is both simplistic and off the mark since it differentiates between two specialists, not between a generalist and a specialist.
The sentences are so poorly formed and phrased that the argument is at times hard to follow. Nevertheless, this is not a 1 essay: the writer presents a position on the issue, develops that position with some very weak analysis, and communicates some ideas clearly.
SAMPLE-6 (score 1)
I disagree with the statement about specialists, we need specialists who take individual areas and specialize. A generalists can pinpoint a problem. He or she cannot determine the magnitude of the problem. A specialist can find the root of the problem. When he or she has years working in that specific field. For example, when i got sick i went to a doctor. He did blood work, x-ray, talk to me, ect. He prescribed me a medicine. I got worst. So i decided to go another doctor. Now, i am doing great. A specialist knows the facts right away. Otherwise, it will take longer or not at all.
COMMENTARY
This response presents a fundamentally deficient discussion of the issue.
The first sentence states the writer's position in support of specialists, but that position is not followed by a coherent argument. Some of the ideas seem contradictory (e.g., "generalists can pinpoint a problem") and the example is confusing. If the essay explained that the first (unsuccessful) doctor was a generalist and the second (successful) doctor was a specialist, the example would be useful. However, as written, the example is unclear and even misleading. The concluding statement only adds to the confusion.
Most of the sentences in the essay are short and choppy. Thus, the ideas they try to communicate are also choppy. The writer needs to provide transitional phrases and ideas to bring cohesion to this response. Also, basic errors in usage and grammar are pervasive.
For all of these reasons -- lack of a coherent argument and frequency of basic writing errors -- this essay was rated a 1.
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