心理学Essay范文：Reflective Evaluation of the Skills of Counselling Applied to Loss and Grief

本文是心理学专业的Essay范例，题目是“Reflective Evaluation of the Skills of Counselling Applied to Loss and Grief（应用于失去和悲伤的辅导技巧的反思性评价）”，这篇文章是一篇关于辅导技巧的反思性评价，在学生学习如何与客户建立治疗关系的过程中，辅导技巧应用于失去和悲伤。这篇文章将包含在Steven Felice是客户，Caroline Roberts是顾问的练习过程中逐字的例子。本文还将通过相关文献讨论以人为中心的咨询过程，通过依恋纽带和持续纽带来关注失去。

This essay is a reflective evaluation of the skills of counselling applied to loss and grief in a student’s process of learning how to travel the journey of the therapeutic relationship with the client. The essay will contain reflections of verbatim examples from during the practice session in which Steven Felice is the client, and Caroline Roberts the counsellor. The essay will also discuss via relevant literature the process of person-centred counselling in the focus of loss through bonds of attachment and continuing bonds. 

The practice session took place in counselling room two, at ACAP on the 21st of April 2010, between Steven Felice and Caroline Roberts. Steven wanted to discuss the loss of a friendship. This friendship for Steven was a friendship that had begun in early childhood and carried a deep bond of attachment, for which Steven is finding the loss hard to accept. During the session I spent the majority of the time listening to Steven and reflecting as best I could the content and emotion of his experience. When dealing with loss in relation to friendships it is important to offer the client the same respect to emotional depth of expression as that of a person experiencing loss from a death.

For Steven the loss of significance surrounded his childhood friend no longer wishing to be as close as usual due to her recent change of religious affiliation. For Steven this seems difficult to accept, as he was willing to try to understand and acknowledge her needs and she seems to have rejected him. He also seems to feel loss around his confidence with how he relates and interacts with people, which appears to be trust related issues. Almost a loss of innocence has been triggered by the loss of this important attachment bond. Loss is such an immense part of living and loving that it would be difficult to counsel without an understanding of the theory of attachment.

对史蒂文来说，这种失去意义的感觉围绕着他儿时的朋友，由于她最近改变了宗教信仰，她不再希望像往常一样亲密。对史蒂文来说，这似乎很难接受，因为他愿意尝试理解和承认她的需求，而她似乎拒绝了他。他似乎也对自己如何与人交往和互动感到缺乏信心，这似乎是与信任有关的问题。这一重要的依恋纽带的缺失几乎引发了纯真的丧失。失去是生活和爱中如此巨大的一部分，如果不理解依恋理论，很难提出忠告。

Mallon (2008) suggests understanding attachment in grief and loss counselling is essential due to the basis that all human relationships are based in attachment, from the first attachment to ones mother, extending through life’s interactions to include those called friends and lovers. Neimeyer, Baldwin, & Gillies (2006) discuss how with the loss of a loved one, people tend to keep the attachment alive and well within their memories, stories, dreams, images, and even music or ornaments. When a loved one is no longer in presence, then the attachment and relationship changes but it does not cease to exist, the relationship is merely rewritten or shifted to another reality or perception. As is the case with Steven’s relationship, at 16:04 Steven says, he fights in his own head …when asked about the whether he is still maintaining the relationship, which would seem to indicate quite clearly that he is continuing the bond and relationship even though she is unaware of this.

During the session I felt I established rapport, and was present with Steven, as well as using active listening, reflection, and questions, although I could have phrased these more appropriately, I also used silence to allow Steven his thoughts. I don’t know that I was able to apply a structured assessment during the session, as in trying to purposely work on coping skills, support systems, and spiritual or cultural dimensions. However I feel that we talked about these issues in the course of the session as reflection, active listening and questioning allowed these issues to come into play, especially when silence was used, allowing Steven to process and actualise his sense of spiritual connection and personal experiences and expectations.

在会议期间，我感觉我建立了一种融洽的关系，和史蒂文在一起，并使用积极的倾听、反思和提问，尽管我本可以更恰当地表达这些，但我也使用沉默来让史蒂文表达他的想法。我不知道我是否能够在会议期间应用一个结构化的评估，比如在应对技能、支持系统、精神或文化方面有目的地工作。然而，我觉得我们在会议过程中讨论了这些问题，作为反思，积极的倾听和提问，让这些问题发挥作用，特别是当使用沉默时，让史蒂文处理和实现他的精神连接和个人经验和期望的感觉。

I would like to reflect on my skills as an awaking, a process of realisation about how one is appropriate in being curious, respectful, congruent, empathic, and present simultaneously, without getting in one’s own way.

Rogers (1942-2008) suggests that the counselling relationship provides a safe respectful environment in which the client feels comfortable and accepted enough to express their feelings knowing that the counsellor will not judge them, but will listen and support them. As a grief, loss and bereavement counsellor I feel it would be very beneficial to hone my skills around person-centred counselling, with particular focus on attachment theory and continuing bonds. Person-centred counselling is such a great grounding for doing no harm, as it is based in Rogers’s core conditions. Tolan (2003) describes the core conditions as requiring the counsellor to be mentally and emotionally present and remove themselves’ from the clients story by simply listening without judgment or bias, with respect, congruence, and empathy, no forgetting unconditional positive regard. Bryant-Jefferies (2006) explains presence as a line of communication whereby both client and counsellor are empathically aware of each other. With the felt presence, the most significant element would be whether or not the client feels they are being understood, which can be demonstrated with appropriate reflection.

During the session I felt that Steven and I were in a place of empathic contact, established through good rapport, and staying as present as possible. I feel I can improve my sense of presence as time allows skills to become second nature, as right now I often get in my own way by worrying about whether or not I am demonstrating all the necessary skills. For example my art of reflection still needs to develop as shown with these examples; C: 06:27; so you’re missing the previous style of relationship and interaction that you had from. S: yeah, yeah I need that…… Some of my language could probably be improved by saying; I sense you are missing the closeness of your relationship. Also I need to be mindful of using words like so, as it can carry a feeling of judgement if the tone is not just right.

在治疗过程中，我感觉史蒂文和我处在一个通过良好的关系建立起来的共情接触的地方，并尽可能地停留在当下。我觉得我可以提高我的存在感，因为时间让技能成为第二天性，因为现在我经常担心我是否展示了所有必要的技能。例如，我的反思艺术仍然需要发展，如这些例子所示;C: 06:27;所以你失去了以前那种关系和互动的方式。S:是的，是的，我需要这个......我的语言也许可以通过说;我感觉你在想念你们之间的亲密关系。此外，我还需要注意使用这样的词语，因为如果语气不恰当，这可能会给人一种判断的感觉。

Another example; C: 09:47; so you just said that, if I go back to you saying, that you are asking yourself about the relevance of keeping someone, now you’re sort of talking about the boundaries and stuff, is that related. S: ah, by keeping someone and having boundaries as such, I feel like it, like when I meet a new person now….. Again I begin with so, I think I actually begin nearly every reflection with so. Note to self do not say so. The reflection would be better if I phrased it; I hear you questioning your feelings towards getting close to another affects you, which seems to be bring up the need for boundaries, could you tell me more about that.

Around 08:45: I ask; so was she an intimate friend or… I made Steven uncomfortable as you can see by his body language, where instead I could have asked; could you tell me more about that, or what did that childhood friendship mean for you. The art of the question is another skill I need to practice, especially with careful open questions instead of closed blunt or, the too intrusive kind of questions. Nelson-Jones (2009) suggests that even though some background information can help the counsellor understand the client’s background, open questions allow the client to express their story how they wish to, instead of the counsellor meeting their agenda. Respect is the underlying need in all questions with open questions such as, what does that mean for you, being a respectfully gentle asking for the clients meaning, and also another way to monitor counsellor curiosity with respect to the client.

08:45左右:我问;她是不是一个亲密的朋友，或者……我让史蒂文感到不舒服，你可以从他的肢体语言中看出，我本可以问他的;你能告诉我更多吗?或者童年的友谊对你来说意味着什么?提问的艺术是我需要练习的另一项技能，尤其是在回答开放式问题时，要小心谨慎，而不是回答封闭式的生硬问题或过于侵入性的问题。Nelson-Jones(2009)认为，尽管一些背景信息可以帮助顾问了解客户的背景，开放式问题可以让客户按照自己的意愿表达他们的故事，而不是让顾问满足他们的议程。尊重是所有开放式问题的潜在需求，比如，这对你来说意味着什么，礼貌温和地询问客户是什么意思，也是另一种监测咨询师对客户的好奇心的方式。

I could really hear that Steven attaches to people very deeply and quickly or easily, and I wanted to explore that with him, but alas my skills in how to achieve that need practise. Attachment is such a deep seated need and reflex that helps one find and express love that I feel its importance cannot be overlooked. Russell-Chapin and Smith (2008) talk about the undeniable reality that love and loss are part of the whole experience of human attachment,with the point being that the more attached the relationship the more the loss may be felt and experienced. In addition they discuss how beneficial it can be to tell stories, and share our losses, as a way of continuing the life of one’s loved one, for which the word ‘anamnesis’ is used to describe the experience of remembering and representing our recollections and experiences of shared living with our lost loved one in the present moment. Here I relate to continuing bonds as there is sometimes no escaping the thoughts that float through ones consciousness and replay events, conversations, images, and special moments. Attig (2000) summed up the experience as the continuing of one’s connection with those one loved when he stated; “the richness of lasting love consoles us” (p283). Such words truly express how much sense it makes to keep on loving, keep remembering, keep dreaming, and keep sharing the memories of those we love, whose bodily presence is no longer tangible. Continuing bonds with ones loved ones also brings up how much attachment plays in relationships, for if no attachment is felt, no meaningful relationship exists, and therefore no need to miss or remember.

Around 14:10; Steven begins telling me how his friend is involved in certain religious practices. At 14:22; I reflect C: So you’re worried about her. Steven continues his story and I feel it is important to listen and use silence here as I sense he might need to hear his thoughts process this. Geldard & Geldard (2008) express how new counsellors often find silence difficult because they are worried about appearing to demonstrate the skills required. However once the silence has become a comfortable reflex the counsellor can allow the client the precious moments of reflection often needed to mentally sit in a thought and own the feeling. Palmer & Milner (2003) suggest that silence can be a very supportive space for the client to contemplate their thoughts when used appropriately and respectfully in a comfortable measure.

约十四10;史蒂文开始告诉我他的朋友是如何参与某些宗教活动的。在第14章22节;我想C:所以你很担心她。史蒂文继续他的故事，我觉得在这里倾听和保持沉默很重要，因为我觉得他可能需要倾听自己的想法。Geldard & Geldard(2008)表示，新来的辅导员往往觉得沉默很难，因为他们担心自己似乎展示了所需的技能。然而，一旦沉默成为一种舒适的反射，顾问可以让客户有宝贵的反思时间，通常需要在精神上坐下来思考，并拥有这种感觉。Palmer & Milner(2003)建议，当以一种舒适的方式适当和尊重地使用沉默时，沉默可以是一个非常支持客户思考他们的想法的空间。

Silence is a skill that requires self acceptance and a certain measure of self-assured comfort to be able to sit with the client when they require a moment to contemplate. Steven, given a moment to silently think then begins to reflect on his own spirituality in connection with the reactions he is experiencing. Walsh (2004) suggests that in some cases a person may be grieving their spiritual connection to self, brought into awareness by an experience of loss. As does feeling the loss of physical, emotional, or relational, connections, this could in turn affect one’s ability to find some resolution within one’s life. This is not surprising considering spirituality is one of the concepts that give life meaning in death as it does in life. Walsh (2004b) goes on to explain that people’s spiritual beliefs cross generations and evolve and develop, as family cultures evolve and develop, embedding and adjusting values and beliefs that surround not only life and love but also death.

When I look at the experience of loss Steven has shared with me, and consider how I could have explored this more to address his coping style, support system, spiritual or religious beliefs, as well as his cultural influences, I am not sure at my level of competency in twenty minutes how to achieve all of that whilst respectfully listening to his story and allowing the client to lead and own the session. Johns (2005) cites Rogers’s who states “The degree to which I can create relationships which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself (p5).” This statement is a very powerful truth to which I feel as a counsellor is the aim of self development and a very necessary goal to practice and reflect constantly on the skills. Johns (2005b) explores some of the ways in which counsellor skills can be practiced, including personal counselling, doing practice sessions, keeping diary of skills development, taking risks when practicing to develop confidence, thereby, learning to relax and own the space of self within the counselling dynamic.

当我回顾史蒂文与我分享的失去亲人的经历，并思考我本可以如何进一步探讨这一点，以解决他的应对方式、支持系统、精神或宗教信仰，以及他的文化影响，我不确定以我的能力水平如何在20分钟内实现所有这些，同时尊重地倾听他的故事，并允许客户领导和拥有会议。约翰斯(2005)引用罗杰斯的话说:“我能在多大程度上创造促进他人作为独立个体的成长的关系，是我在自己身上所取得的成长的衡量标准(p5)。”这是一个非常有力的事实，我觉得作为一名辅导员，这是自我发展的目标，也是一个非常必要的目标，不断练习和反思技能。约翰斯(2005b)探讨了一些可以锻炼咨询师技能的方法，包括个人咨询、练习课程、记录技能发展日记、在练习时冒险以培养信心，从而学会放松和在咨询动态中拥有自我空间。

Personally I have volunteered at my local church to get actual practice and develop my confidence as well as my skills. I also believe that going through the process of being a volunteer within the counselling realm will also help me to understand more about myself and where I wish to focus my future as a counsellor. So here in lies how I intend to move forward to becoming a better counsellor and person.

To conclude this wonderful and challenging self reflection, I would like to acknowledge that I am growing as a counsellor. I am learning how important the theories and models associated with bereavement are vital to allow a counsellor to be of actual assistance to a person suffering. I am confirmed through my research of the theories and models, that love and attachment are vital in life, death, and counselling. Being able to workshop my faults and successes is also a vital process in the development of my use and understanding of not just the skills but why they are so important, particularly in the field of counselling in loss.

在总结这次精彩而富有挑战性的自我反省时，我想承认我正在成长为一名辅导员。我正在学习与丧亲有关的理论和模型是多么的重要，这对于让一个咨询师对一个遭受痛苦的人提供实际帮助是至关重要的。通过对理论和模型的研究，我确信，爱和依恋在生活、死亡和咨询中都是至关重要的。能够处理我的错误和成功也是一个至关重要的过程，这不仅有助于我使用和理解这些技能，也有助于我理解它们为何如此重要，尤其是在心理咨询领域。

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